Bernard Cribbins: Mr. Hutchinson

The Hotel Inspectors

Mr. Hutchinson

Mr. Hutchinson: Now listen, there's a documentary on BBC2 this evening about "Squawking Bird", the leader of the Blackfoot Indians in the late 1860s. Now this starts at 8:45 and goes on for approximately three-quarters of an hour.
Basil Fawlty: I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
Mr. Hutchinson: Indeed I am. Yes, now, is it possible for me to reserve the BBC2 channel for the duration of this televisual feast?
Basil Fawlty: Why don't you talk properly?

Mr. Hutchinson: Yeah, well, I thought it said Boff.
Basil Fawlty: Of course.
Mr. Hutchinson: Yes, and I thought that Boff was a locale, you see, a name of a district, you see, 'cause that 'P' looks like a 'B.'
Basil Fawlty: No, it doesn't.
Mr. Hutchinson: Yes, it does. The little loop on the bottom of it...
Basil Fawlty: [snatching the diagram and showing it to Walt] Excuse me - would you say that was a 'P' or a 'B'?
Mr. Walt: Er...
Basil Fawlty: There, does it say Boff or does it say Poff?
Mr. Walt: Well, I...
Basil Fawlty: There, there! It's a 'P', isn't it?
Mr. Walt: [unwillingly] I suppose so.
Basil Fawlty: P. Off.
Mr. Walt: I beg your pardon?
Basil Fawlty: P off! not B. off. Whoever heard of a Bost office?

Mr. Hutchinson: How do you do?
Polly: How do you do?
Mr. Hutchinson: Wait a minute a minute, we've met before, I think.
Polly: Yes, I served you at breakfast.
Mr. Hutchinson: Oh, yes, and you spilled the grapefruit juice, didn't you, you naughty girl?
Polly: And you moved the glass, didn't you?

Basil Fawlty: [after enough of Mr. Hutchinson complaining] You want to run the place?
Mr. Hutchinson: No, no, I...
Basil Fawlty: Right, well, shut up then.
Mr. Hutchinson: I beg your pardon?

Mr. Hutchinson: [complaining to Basil again] I mean, all I wanted was a cheese salad. It wasn't as though I'd order an elephant's ear on a bun, was it?

Mr. Hutchinson: [looking at a map drawn by Basil] I don't quite understand this, where is the post office?
Basil Fawlty: It's there where it says "post office". I'm sorry if it's confusing.

Mr. Hutchinson: And, if anybody wants me, I'll be in the lounge.
Basil Fawlty: If anybody wants you?
Mr. Hutchinson: I'll be in the lounge.
Basil Fawlty: Anyone in particular? I mean, Henry Kissinger? Or just anyone with a big net?

Mr. Hutchinson: I assume that all the vegetables within the omelette are fresh?
Basil Fawlty: Oh, yes, yes.
Mr. Hutchinson: Including the peas?
Basil Fawlty: Oh, yes, they're fresh all right.
Mr. Hutchinson: They're not frozen, are they?
Basil Fawlty: Well, they're frozen, yes.
Mr. Hutchinson: Well, if they're frozen, they're not fresh, are they?
Basil Fawlty: Well, I assure you they were absolutely fresh when they were frozen.

Mr. Hutchinson: You told me to shut up!
Polly: No, no. He told me to shut up.
Mr. Hutchinson: You ass, he said it to me!
Basil Fawlty: Uh, no. I was, uh, looking at you, but I was talking to Polly. Wasn't I, Polly?
Polly: Oh yes.
Basil Fawlty: Uh, did you notice then, that I was looking at you but talking to her?
Mr. Hutchinson: What?
Polly: You see, he was looking at you, but talking to me. Wasn't he?
Basil Fawlty: Wasn't I?

Basil Fawlty: I understand you're in the spoon trade.
Mr. Hutchinson: Oh, yes.
Basil Fawlty: Oh, fascinating, fascinating. How... how absorbing for you. So much more interesting than being a hotel inspector!

Mr. Hutchinson: I would just like to say... I was trying to say, this hotel is extremely inefficient and badly run, and you are a very rude and discourteous man, Mr. Fawlty.
[Basil starts laughing]
Mr. Hutchinson: Did I say something funny, Mr. Fawlty?
Basil Fawlty: Well, sort of pithy, I suppose.
Mr. Hutchinson: Pithy? Oh, really? Well, here's the punch line.
[Mr. Hutchinson hits Basil]
Mr. Hutchinson: Now, I'm going to fetch my belongings, and I do not expect to receive a bill.
Sybil Fawlty: You've handled that then, have you, Basil?
Basil Fawlty: Yes, dear, thank you. Leave it to me.