Prunella Scales credited as playing...
Sybil Fawlty
- Basil Fawlty: I mean, where are the pens? I mean, what... Would you believe it! I mean, there are no pens here. I mean, this is supposed to be a hotel.
- [sybil shakes a box]
- Basil Fawlty: Well, what are they doing in there?
- Sybil Fawlty: I put them there.
- Basil Fawlty: Why?
- Sybil Fawlty: Just sign there, Mr. Walt. Because you're always losing them, Basil.
- Basil Fawlty: I am NOT always losing them. People TAKE them.
- Sybil Fawlty: Well, they don't take them from me.
- Basil Fawlty: They wouldn't dare. Well, I'm sorry I didn't guess that you'd suddenly done that after twelve years, dear. I'm afraid my psychic powers must be a little bit below par this morning. There we are.
- Sybil Fawlty: Don't be silly, Basil. It's written there quite clearly on the top of the box.
- Basil Fawlty: Pens? It looks more like "Bens" to me.
- Sybil Fawlty: Well, WHEN Ben comes, you can give it to him.
- Sybil Fawlty: Don't shout at me. I've had a difficult morning.
- Basil Fawlty: Oh, dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Hmm? Not enough cream in your eclair? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?
- Sybil Fawlty: [to Basil] This is a hotel, Basil, not a Borstal, and it might help business if you could have a little more courtesy, just a little.
- Sybil Fawlty: Is there something wrong?
- Mr. Hutchinson: Yes, there is, yes... I have been given an erroneous dish.
- Basil Fawlty: I suppose talking to Audrey for half an hour helps business, does it?
- Sybil Fawlty: It was about business for your information. Audrey has some news that may interest you.
- Basil Fawlty: [sarcastically] Oh, really - this'll be good. Let me guess... The Mayor wears a toupée? Somebody's got nail varnish on their cat? Am I getting warm?
- Basil Fawlty: I would find it a little easier to cope with some of the cretins we get in here, my little nest of vipers, if I got a smidgen of cooperation from you.
- Sybil Fawlty: Cooperation? That's a laugh. The day you cooperate you'll be in a wooden box. I've never heard such rudeness.
- Sybil Fawlty: Well, it all started with that electrician, didn't it? Real live wire, he was. Only one watt, but plenty of volts as they say.
- Sybil Fawlty: Actually, Basil, I've been working. You know what I mean by working, don't you, dear? I mean getting things done, as opposed to squabbling with the guests.
- Mr. Hutchinson: I would just like to say... I was trying to say, this hotel is extremely inefficient and badly run, and you are a very rude and discourteous man, Mr. Fawlty.
- [Basil starts laughing]
- Mr. Hutchinson: Did I say something funny, Mr. Fawlty?
- Basil Fawlty: Well, sort of pithy, I suppose.
- Mr. Hutchinson: Pithy? Oh, really? Well, here's the punch line.
- [Mr. Hutchinson hits Basil]
- Mr. Hutchinson: Now, I'm going to fetch my belongings, and I do not expect to receive a bill.
- Sybil Fawlty: You've handled that then, have you, Basil?
- Basil Fawlty: Yes, dear, thank you. Leave it to me.