Kelsey Grammer credited as playing...
Dr. Frasier Crane
- Lorna: You know, I thought you'd be a nice rebound fling, get my feet wet dating again, you don't want that, that's fine. But I'll tell you what we are going to do: you're going to take my arm, you're going to escort me in that room, we're going to dance, make out like freshmen and leave with your hand on my ass, you got it?
- Frasier: Shall we?
- Frasier: Dad! She'll be here any minute.
- Martin Crane: Okay, I'm leaving.
- Frasier: Listen, I'm sorry to uproot you like this.
- Martin Crane: Oh, it's all right. I'd rather clear the decks for a date than for one of your theme parties. Although I am kinda sorry I missed "An Evening With Moe Howard."
- Frasier: That was Noel Coward!
- Frasier: Hello, Niles. How are you?
- Niles: Fine. Although the oddest thing just happened.
- Frasier: Oh, that man on the corner's name is Pete. If you give him a dollar his monkey won't make those rude gestures.
- Niles: No, this is about Daphne. I burned my hand while I was cooking and she began putting first aid cream on it and in a very tender way and then, em, dad came in and she jumped as if she felt guilty. Is it possible Daphne has feelings for me?
- Frasier: No.
- Niles: Ah well, as long as you've considered it from all angles!
- Frasier: If she was tender it was because you burnt your hand, if she jumped it was because dad startled her. Come on, Niles, can't you see what's really going on here?
- Niles: Well, obviously I haven't a clue. I thought that man's monkey was waving hello.
- Roz Doyle: Anyway, I was supposed to read "The Great Gatsby" last night but I couldn't get Alice to sleep. So could you give me a quick summary?
- Frasier: [Roz takes out the book and notes] Well, all right, er, it was a time known as the Jazz Age. Wall Street was booming, bootleg hooch was flowing, and the young people were doing a new dance called the Charleston.
- Roz Doyle: Where were you when I was trying to get Alice to sleep?
- Frasier: Oh, Niles, what are you doing here?
- Niles: Well, I've got a crisis. Tomorrow's Mel's birthday and I'm planning a very romantic evening, but my Gagino is on the fritz.
- Martin Crane: Oh jeez, I don't need to hear this!
- Frasier: Dad! It's a stove!
- Roz Doyle: Frasier, thank God you're here.
- Frasier: Why, what's wrong Roz?
- Roz Doyle: My book club meets tonight and I haven't read the book.
- Frasier: Oh my, that is a literary nine one one.
- Frasier: [Said with an air of incredulity] Wait. You joined a book club?
- Roz Doyle: [Said with feigned innocence] Why is that so hard to believe? I like to read.
- Frasier: [Said with justified suspicion] What's his name?
- Roz Doyle: [Said with glee] Jason. We met at a book store and he asked me to join his book club. He's separated but I thinks it's for keeps. He was buying Divorce For Dummies.
- Frasier: Sounds like a real catch Roz.
- Frasier: [Speaking in a hushed voice across the cafe table] The woman who just walked in, she was the great beauty of my high school. She had brains, looks, style... and the way she filled out a mohair sweater, well, suffice to say, it was snugger on her than on the goat.