David Hyde Pierce credited as playing...
Dr. Niles Crane
- [Frasier's re-married ex-wife comes to town]
- Frasier: My problem now is that she's invited me to her dressing room for an... après-show tryst.
- Niles: You're not going?
- Frasier: Well...
- Niles: Frasier!
- Frasier: Niles, if you had any idea how much pain she's in. The woman is reaching out to me to rescue her from a loveless marriage, from - from a career she feels trapped in. If I could help her make a new beginning, wouldn't it be heartless of me to deny myself to her?
- Niles: ...Did you say something? Your penis was talking so loud I couldn't hear.
- Niles: Will you listen to yourself?
- Frasier: Oh, this is more than just sex, Niles. This is passion, kismet. A gift the gods bestow on only a chosen few. Wouldn't the real sin be to refuse it?
- Niles: Isn't that your old second-piece-of-pie argument?
- Frasier: Well, maybe it is, but I haven't had "pie" in six months.
- [Niles enters the cafe with a shopping bag]
- Frasier: The Gap, Niles? I didn't know you shopped there.
- Niles: I just discovered it! Apparently, there are a number of them.
- Frasier: [suspicious] And what did you buy there?
- Niles: Oh, well, let's see... some wine glasses, and a bud vase...
- Frasier: That's Pottery Barn, you jackass! Give me that!