Kelsey Grammer credited as playing...
Dr. Frasier Crane
- Dr. Niles Crane: This better be a real emergency, Frasier. You pulled me away from the Gifted Infants Toy Expo.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, yes, you missed out on buying a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll.
- Martin Crane: Still looking at those old pictures, huh?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yeah.
- Martin Crane: It's funny, isn't it?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What?
- Martin Crane: How suddenly your whole life can change. I never would've dreamed back then that I'd end up getting married again, at my age, and to someone so young and full of pep.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'm very happy for you and Ronee.
- Martin Crane: That's the way it is. Just when you think that you're in a rut, and nothing exciting will ever happen to you again, Pow! That's when it does.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Maybe you're right.
- Martin Crane: I know I'm right.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You know, perhaps in the spirit of détente, I could, uh, buy you some coffee?
- Willa Haver: Oh, well, that is so sweet of you, but I can't right now.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, well, perhaps tomorrow?
- Willa Haver: Uh, no tomorrow's no good either.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Next week, perhaps?
- Willa Haver: Next week, uh, I'll be out of town.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You know, I'm-I'm not sure if we're having a devil of a time coordinating our schedules or you're just giving me a polite brush-off.
- [Saying nothing, she beeps her car alarm and leaves]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [as she gets in her car, dejectedly] OK, now I'm sure.
- Roland: [Roland notices Niles fumbling on the ladder] What are you doing?
- Dr. Niles Crane: I, uh...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Uh, I can tell from the panic in my brother's voice that he must have seen a spider. You see, he has a crippling fear of spiders, and it sent him up the ladder.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Yes, I hate spiders.
- Sarah: I didn't see a spider. Come back down.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No!
- Roland: Why not?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Because he also has a crippling fear of heights. This may be just the breakthrough we've been looking for. Higher, Niles! Conquer your fear!
- [Niles - believably - feigns terror]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Please, everyone, I'm going to have to ask you to turn around, as his fear of crowds has set in.
- Sarah: Crowds, too?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, you are looking at that rarest of beasts, the arachno-acro-agoraphobe.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Your advice was spot on.
- Roz Doyle: It should be. I've heard you say the same stuff for ten years now. Confront your emotions, communicate, seek counseling.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I didn't realize my advice had become so predictable.
- Roz Doyle: Well, it's not your fault everyone calls with the same dumb-ass problems.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: They're not the same problems. What about that--that caller last week, the sleepwalking transvestite who kept breaking off his heels in sewer grates?
- Roz Doyle: Yeah, I remember him. You told him to seek counseling.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [indignant] Yes, I also told him to wear flats.