Kelsey Grammer credited as playing...
Dr. Frasier Crane
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles, why can't we be happy. Why must we allow the thought of something that to this point could only be incrementally better ruin what is here and now?
- Dr. Niles Crane: I don't know, let's figure it out on the other side.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: This is heaven, right here and now. Why do we have to think about someplace else?
- Dr. Niles Crane: This is only heaven for the people who can't get into the real heaven. The platinum heaven.
- Reservationist: I'm sorry, that area is restricted to our gold level members
- Dr. Niles Crane: You have a gold level? How do you get in?
- Reservationist: You have to be on the list.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: We are on the list.
- Reservationist: The gold list.
- Reservationist: I'm sorry, but you're more than welcome to enjoy the many amenities of the silver level.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: And just how are we expected to enjoy this?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: They have the nerve to call it a day spa. It's nothing more than a front for a bona fide luxury spa which taunts those kept at bay outside it's golden door.
- Martin Crane: If you didn't go in, how do you know it was better?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It had to be. The door was gold. Ours was only silver. Gold is better than silver.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Stupid silver.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, Niles, the aromatic massage sounds splendid: two therapists at once, using hot stones and a blend of essential oils personally created for your dosha.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I think I'll have the aromatherapy Swedish.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, Niles, look at this bounty! Take a risk, be a man!
- Dr. Niles Crane: [looking at the folder again] The chardonnay/rose hip salt glow?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Now that's more like it.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [to Niles] All right, here's our plan. We go to the university computer lab, bribe some hungry hacker, and, once we've tapped into their mainframe, La Porte D'Argent will give up her sweet secret like a blushing bride on her wedding night!