Kelsey Grammer credited as playing...
Dr. Frasier Crane
- Charlotte: You looked at my client log?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, I've looked at your log, and I've dated every toad on it!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Charlotte, where's my date?
- Charlotte: I am so sorry. She just called, she had to cancel.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: That does it.
- Charlotte: No, we'll find another evening.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, Charlotte, we will not. You have sent me on enough miserable dates, thank you. Before you fix me up with a doll-collecting war criminal, or a hashish-smoking burger flipper, I want out!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [on trying a matchmaker] So I gave her the money and I filled out the questionnaire.
- Roz Doyle: You fudged a little bit on your answers, right?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, of course not. Why would I?
- Roz Doyle: Because nobody's honest on those things. There's a code people use. Like "mature" means old, "athletic" means flat- chested, and, uh... oh, "not model thin" means circus fat.
- Dr. Niles Crane: You're doing fairly well by this matchmaker.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, hardly. A monkey throwing darts at the Seattle phone book would find me a better mate.
- Charlotte: I am thirty-five years old, and I am living with my mother! How pathetic is that?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I... I've seen worse.
- [Charlotte is depressed about living with her mother]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: For what it's worth, it will get easier living with her.
- Charlotte: Is that your professional opinion?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Actually, it's a personal one. My dad lives with me.
- Charlotte: No.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Mmm-hmm, eleven years.
- Charlotte: Yikes.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yeah, it does take a while to adjust to each other before you're perfectly in sync.
- Charlotte: How long did that take?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'll let you know.
- [They laugh]
- Charlotte: I will mail you a check tomorrow!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I'll save you the price of a stamp, I'll see you at your office first thing in the morning!
- Charlotte: Fine! I'd say, "come alone," but that's a given.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [on a matchmaking date] Would you like some wine?
- Teen Date: Nah, the cops took my fake I.D., and my dad'll kill me if I get busted again. So what are you, like fifty?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Frasier has poured himself a big glass of wine] Something like that.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Peanut butter and carrots? Well, somebody's pregnancy cravings are kicking in.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I know, I just can't help myself.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles! Couvade syndrome?
- Dr. Niles Crane: We just call it love.