Kelsey Grammer credited as playing...
Dr. Frasier Crane
- Roz Doyle: Come on, Frasier. Talk to me. Use your words
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's just so egregious.
- Roz Doyle: Smaller words.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: How are things with Mr. Claus?
- Roz Doyle: I haven't had a chance to ask him out yet.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What's the matter? Low elf esteem?
- Roz Doyle: How long have you been working on that one?
- Roz Doyle: [Looking in Frasier's bag] Is this for us too?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, no, actually this is another "Dancing Santa" for Dad. His other one got damaged.
- Roz Doyle: I thought you threw that thing over the balcony.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, which damaged it.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles. Where is it written that we have to have Christmas at either of our homes?
- Dr. Niles Crane: The Thanksgiving Accord of 2002.
- Martin Crane: Why don't you just use the punch bowl?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Because then it wouldn't be wassail, it would be punch.
- Martin Crane: What's the difference?
- Daphne Moon: Me dad used to say that punch would make you want to kiss the donkey in the manger scene and wassail makes you want to check it into the inn.
- Martin Crane: [later, after consulting the dictionary] Was-sail! A. Christmas. Punch!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Ah, we were hoping to uh, use your wassail bowl.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, I'm sorry. I've already loaned it to Lawrence Emerson and his mandrel-caroling group.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well you can kiss that bowl good-bye. Frasier, the Yule Tones are the bad boys of Renaissance Christmas music. Have you ever seen a church common room after one of their performances?
- Roz Doyle: Oh, what is the big deal? Why don't you let him have Christmas?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Because it is just so unfair.
- Roz Doyle: What's not fair?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, you wouldn't understand.
- Roz Doyle: Well come on Frasier, talk to me. Use your words.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Because, it's so egregious.
- Roz Doyle: Smaller words.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Okay, look, it just seems that Niles is systematically emptying my home. We used to have Thanksgiving dinner there... gone! Daphne... gone! If I let him have Christmas, I'll have nothing left. Just end up some... doddering old bachelor sipping tea and keeping the apartment at a balmy seventy-eight degrees.
- Roz Doyle: And how is that different from now?