James Avery: Philip Banks

Will Goes a Courtin'

Philip Banks

Geoffrey: [to Uncle Phil] Would you like a Swedish meatball, sir?
Philip Banks: Don't mind if I do.
[goes to get one]
Geoffrey: Only one, sir. The rest are for Master William and his friends, poolside.
Philip Banks: What? I can't believe that he would deliberately disobey me!
Geoffrey: I wouldn't call it disobedience, sir. It's more like outright defiance.
[Uncle Phil storms outside; Geoffrey moves his hands like a puppeteer]
Geoffrey: That's it! Dance, puppets, dance!

Phillip Banks: All right, Will... if that's the way you want it... Mm ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Philip Banks: [when Will tries to give him a handshake] I don't want your hand, I want my rent.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, man, I don't believe... did you learn nothing from all this mess?
Philip Banks: Yeah. Never rent to relatives.

Philip Banks: [to Carlton] Do you know how humiliating it is to have a son who can't swim?

Steffi: Hello, Mr. Banks.
Philip Banks: What's she doing here?
William 'Will' Smith: She wandered over, lonely and crying. I didn't have the heart to turn her away.
Philip Banks: Hit the bricks, you little tramp!
[Steffi runs away]
Philip Banks: Out of here! And tell your mother your father has a girlfriend!

William 'Will' Smith: [to Uncle Phil] No, check it out. On the serious tip, you got to fix our air conditioner today. We got some people coming over for a party and as good hosts, we'd prefer that they didn't melt.
Philip Banks: Sorry, Uncle Phil has left the building. You're now talking to Landlord Banks and he's not fixing anything until he gets his rent.

Philip Banks: Will, I am going back in the house and when I come out, I want all of these people gone.
William 'Will' Smith: Well, they will be if you come out in the morning, Uncle Phil.
Philip Banks: Wait, wait. Let me get this straight, young man. You are telling me what will or will not happen in my own house?
William 'Will' Smith: Excuse me, but this is my house. I pay rent here too, eventually.
Philip Banks: You watch how you talk to me.
William 'Will' Smith: Well, then, Uncle Phil, stop treating me like a child.
Philip Banks: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was talking to a man.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Hilary] Okay, Miss Banks, you were the previous tenant in the aforementioned pool house, is that correct?
Hilary Banks: Yes.
William 'Will' Smith: And would you please tell us of your experiences there?
Hilary Banks: Am I under oath?
Judge: Of course.
Hilary Banks: Well, Trevor would come over at about...
William 'Will' Smith, Carlton Banks, Philip Banks: Objection!

Carlton Banks: We're going to appeal this decision. I intend to cite the landmark case of "Rhode Island v. Schechter Poultry."
Philip Banks: That has to do with the right to hang dead chickens in a butcher-shop window.

[first lines]
[Phil is on the phone with Vivian in Philadelphia]
Philip Banks: Everything is fine, Vivian. Tell Ashley and Nicky that I miss them too. Okay? Okay, love you. Oh, kiss your sister for me.
[hangs up the phone]
Philip Banks: God knows I wouldn't do it.