Will Smith: Will Smith

Will Goes a Courtin'

Will Smith

Carlton Banks: Geoffrey, could you get us some breakfast?
Geoffrey: I'm not allowed to serve you anymore. Mr. Banks' orders.
William 'Will' Smith: G, listen, how upset was Uncle Phil last night?
Geoffrey: Well, he did something I've never seen him do in all the years I've been here.
William 'Will' Smith: What, a sit-up?
Geoffrey: It's a bit more serious than that, I'm afraid. You know the cherry cheesecake, candied yams barbecued ribs left over from yesterday?
Carlton Banks: Yeah?
William 'Will' Smith: [Geoffrey opens up the fridge] Oh, my goodness, it's still there!

Philip Banks: [when Will tries to give him a handshake] I don't want your hand, I want my rent.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, man, I don't believe... did you learn nothing from all this mess?
Philip Banks: Yeah. Never rent to relatives.

Carlton Banks: Will, have you seen Dad anywhere around?
William 'Will' Smith: [looks around for Uncle Phil and spots him] Well, that's either him or a rhino that got his horn chopped off.

Judge: In lieu of a written lease, the law stipulates a landlord must provide his tenants with electricity, gas and plumbing.
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah.
Judge: However, air conditioning is considered a luxury. Rent cannot be withheld based on a malfunctioning appliance.
William 'Will' Smith: Meaning?
Judge: Meaning you'll have to pay the rent.

Steffi: Hello, Mr. Banks.
Philip Banks: What's she doing here?
William 'Will' Smith: She wandered over, lonely and crying. I didn't have the heart to turn her away.
Philip Banks: Hit the bricks, you little tramp!
[Steffi runs away]
Philip Banks: Out of here! And tell your mother your father has a girlfriend!

Judge: Mr. Smith, your opening statement.
William 'Will' Smith: Your Honor, I'm from West Philadelphia. Born and raised. On the playground was where I spent most of my days.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Uncle Phil] No, check it out. On the serious tip, you got to fix our air conditioner today. We got some people coming over for a party and as good hosts, we'd prefer that they didn't melt.
Philip Banks: Sorry, Uncle Phil has left the building. You're now talking to Landlord Banks and he's not fixing anything until he gets his rent.

Philip Banks: Will, I am going back in the house and when I come out, I want all of these people gone.
William 'Will' Smith: Well, they will be if you come out in the morning, Uncle Phil.
Philip Banks: Wait, wait. Let me get this straight, young man. You are telling me what will or will not happen in my own house?
William 'Will' Smith: Excuse me, but this is my house. I pay rent here too, eventually.
Philip Banks: You watch how you talk to me.
William 'Will' Smith: Well, then, Uncle Phil, stop treating me like a child.
Philip Banks: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was talking to a man.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Hilary] Okay, Miss Banks, you were the previous tenant in the aforementioned pool house, is that correct?
Hilary Banks: Yes.
William 'Will' Smith: And would you please tell us of your experiences there?
Hilary Banks: Am I under oath?
Judge: Of course.
Hilary Banks: Well, Trevor would come over at about...
William 'Will' Smith, Carlton Banks, Philip Banks: Objection!

William 'Will' Smith: [to Uncle Phil] Hey, hey, look, look, check it out, Heavy P. Now, why don't you take your Humpty Dumpty butt on back up to the main house, because you're embarrassing us out here.