Alfonso Ribeiro credited as playing...
Carlton Banks
- Carlton Banks: [to Will] What's your complaint here? We were detained for a few hours. Dad cleared things up and we were released. The system works.
- Will Smith: l hope you like that system 'cause you'll be seeing a lot of it in your lifetime.
- Carlton Banks: Not if l bring a map.
- Will Smith: You just don't get it, do you? No map is going to save you and neither is your glee club or your fancy Bel-Air address or who your daddy is. When you're driving in a nice car in a strange neighborhood none of that matters. They only see one thing.
- Carlton Banks: Maybe growing up where you did has made you a little touchy, but l think you've blown this thing out of proportion. If you look at the facts...
- [Will walks away from him]
- Will Smith: [while on the news] Yeah, we done it. Word to Big Bird. We fIicked eight Benzitos, 15 Jags, and a Maserati! But I didn't Iike the uphoIstery so I took it back, Jack!
- Newscaster: [to Carlton] Do you have anything to say?
- Carlton: [in a whiny voice] Dad!
- [last lines]
- Philip Banks: Carlton, it's late. lt's a school day tomorrow, son.
- Carlton Banks: Yeah, okay, Dad. lt was awfully nice of Mr. Furth to help us out. l'll have to write him a thank-you note.
- Philip Banks: lt shouldn't have happened in the first place, son. Good night.
- Carlton Banks: Dad... if you were a policeman and you saw a car driving two miles an hour, wouldn't you stop it?
- Philip Banks: l asked myself that question the first time l was stopped. Good night, son.
- [leaves the room]
- Carlton Banks: [quietly, less confident] l would stop it.
- Will Smith: Yo, Carlton.
- Carlton Banks: Yeah?
- Will Smith: Those cops were "just doing trying to do their jobs"?
- Carlton Banks: Will, don't get all bent out of shape.
- Will Smith: Man, you ain't learn nothing this weekend, did you?
- Carlton Banks: I most certainly did. Always bring a map.
- Will Smith: What?
- Carlton Banks: If we would have had a map, we wouldn't have had to drive two miles an hour trying to find a freeway entrance, and we wouldn't have been stopped.
- Will Smith: [scoffs] Oh, okay, okay. I get it now. We were stopped 'cause we were driving too slow. We were breaking the slowness limit. Oh, okay. Well, you see, I never heard of that law before, but I did hear this other law. It's called the "If you see a black guy driving anything but a burnt-out Pinto, you better stop him because he stole it" law. Yeah, I've heard about that one. Oh, but see, I thought it was the Black Guy law, when in actuality it was the Slowness Limit law. Oh, thank you for sharing that with me, Carlton. Good night.
- Carlton Banks: [speaking on a tape recorder while driving] Plans for Palm Springs. One: Work on golf swing. Two: Review SAT practice book. Three: Ask Mr. Furth about a summer internship.
- Will Smith: [pops up from behind Carlton's seat, wearing a Freddy Kreuger mask] Four: Get the stick out of your butt!
- [Carlton screams]
- Carlton Banks: This is terrible. l'm ruined. l'll be kicked out of the glee club, l won't get into Princeton. l won't be admitted to the bar.
- Will Smith: Neither will l. The cops took my fake lD.
- Will: Hey Carlton. Those cops were just trying to do their jobs?
- Carlton: Will, don't get all bent out of shape.
- Will: Man you ain't learned nothing this weekend did you?
- Carlton: I most certainly did. Always bring a map.
- Will: What?
- Carlton: Will if we had brought a map, we wouldn't have had to drive 2 miles an hour trying to find a freeway entrance. And we wouldn't have been stopped.
- Will: Oh ok I get it now. So we were stopped because we were driving too slow. We were breaking the slowness limit. Ohh see I ever heard of that law Carlton, but I did hear about this one. It's called the "if you see a black guy driving anything but a burnt out pinto, you better stop him because he stole it" law. Yeah I heard about that one, but see I thought it was the black guy law but in actuality we were breaking the slowness limit law. Oh, thank you for sharing with me Carlton. Good night.
- Carlton: They were just doing their jobs.
- Will: Good night Carlton.
- Carlton: What is your complaint here? We were detained for a few hours, dad cleared things up and we were released. The system works.
- Will: Well I hope you like that system because you're going to be seeing a lot of it in your lifetime.
- Carlton: Not if I bring a map.
- Will: You just don't get it do you? No map is gonna save you. Or neither is your glee club, or your fancy bel-air address or who your daddy is. Because when you're driving a nice car in a strange neighborhood, none of that matters! They only see one thing... ..
- Carlton: Well maybe growing up where you did has made you a little touchy. Will you're blowing this way out of proportion. If you look at the facts... ..
- Phillip Banks: Carlton? It's late. School day tomorrow son.
- Carlton: Yeah yeah ok dad. You know? It was awfully nice of Mr. Firth to help us out. I'll have to write him a thank you note.
- Phillip Banks: Shouldn't have happened in the first place.
- Carlton: Hey dad if you were a policeman and you saw a car driving 2 miles an hour, wouldn't you stop it?
- Phillip Banks: I asked myself that same question the first time I was stopped. Good night.
- Carlton: I would stop it.