David Schwimmer: Dr. Ross Geller

The One Where Heckles Dies

Dr. Ross Geller

Ross: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Phoebe: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just... I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
[Knock at door]
Chandler: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.

Ross: Okay, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move? OPPOSABLE THUMBS. Without evolution, how do YOU explain opposable thumbs?
Phoebe: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.
Ross: Please tell me you're joking.
Phoebe: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something and I don't?
Ross: No, no, no Pheebs, we can't. Okay, because...
Phoebe: Why not? What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? You know what? I think, I think maybe you put Ross "under the microscope".
Ross: Is there blood coming out of my ears?

Phoebe: Okay, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution. It's just one of the possibilities.
Ross: It's the only possibility.
Phoebe: Ross, could you just open your mind, like, this much? Okay? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believe the Earth was flat? And up till 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny, tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
Ross: [faintly] There might be... a teeny... tiny... possibility.
Phoebe: I can't believe you caved.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: You just abandoned your whole belief system! Before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. But... How are you gonna go into work tomorrow? How are you going to face the other science guys? How are you going to face yourself?
[defeated, Ross leaves]
Phoebe: That was fun. So who's hungry?

Joey Tribbiani: I went out a couple of times with this girl - really hot, great kisser. But she had the biggest Adam's apple! It made me nuts.
Ross: Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.
Joey Tribbiani: ...
[laughs]
Joey Tribbiani: You guys are messing with me, aren't you?
Everyone: [pause] Oh, yeah, yes...
Joey Tribbiani: That was a good one. For a second there, I was like, "Whoa."

Ross: You don't believe in evolution?
Phoebe: I don't know. It's just, you know... Monkeys, Darwin, it's a nice story. I just think it's a little too easy.
Ross: "Too easy"? Too... The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms is "too easy"?
Phoebe: Yeah, I just don't buy it.
Ross: Excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like the air we breathe, like gravity.

Monica Geller: So how was Joan?
Chandler: Broke up with her.
Ross: Oh, why? Don't tell me. Because of the big nostril thing?
Chandler: They were huge. When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.
Rachel: Come on, they were not that huge.
Chandler: I'm telling you, she leaned back, I could see her brain!
Monica Geller: How many women will you reject over the most superficial, insignificant things?
Joey Tribbiani: Hold it. Hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out with this girl. Really hot. Great kisser but she had the biggest Adam's apple. Drove me nuts.
Chandler: [to Ross] You or me?
Ross: I got it... Joey, women don't have Adam's apples.

Dr. Ross Geller: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Okay? I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, okay? You can literally see them evolving through time.
Phoebe Buffay: Really? You can actually see it?
Dr. Ross Geller: You bet. In the U.S., China, Africa, all over.
Phoebe Buffay: See, I didn't know that.
Dr. Ross Geller: Well, there you go.
Phoebe Buffay: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why.
[Ross is speechless]