David Schwimmer credited as playing...
Dr. Ross Geller
- Ross: Damn it! This is all your fault! This was supposed to be like the greatest day of my life, you know. My son is being born and... I should be in there, you know. Instead I'm stuck in a closet with you.
- Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.
- Ross: No, believe me, no one has been waiting for this just as much as I have. Okay, and you know what the funny thing is? When this thing is over, you get to go home with the baby, okay. Where does that leave me?
- Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. And who am I? There's Fathers Day, there's Mothers Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.
- Ross: [exasperated] Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.
- Ross: [Closing scene; the camera is positioned as though it were Ben's eyes] Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this.
- Ross: [Walks out of the picture but returns] But I'll still always come back, like this.
- Ross: And sometimes I may be away longer, like this.
- Ross: [Walks away longer but returns] But I'll still always come back, like this.
- Chandler: [Chandler comes into the picture and motions his hands] And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this.
- Ross: [Phoebe has climbed into a vent, with her legs hanging out; a janitor opens the broom closet door] Phoebs, it's open! It's open!
- The Janitor: [Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent] Wait! You forgot your legs!
- Ross: [Ross, Susan and Phoebe are stuck in a broom closet; Ross pounds on the door] Help! Help!
- Phoebe Buffay: [singing] They found their bodies the very next day / They found their bodies the very next day.
- Ross, Susan: [louder] Help! Help!