Fisher Stevens: Roger

The One with the Boobies

Roger

Roger: Maybe you wanted your marriage with Carol to fail.
Ross: No. Why would I why. No. Why.
Roger: Siblings. You fail at something so your sibling will look better in the eyes of your parents.
Ross: I don't think that Monica's failures...
Monica: Oh, so I'm a failure now is that it? I'm a bigger failure than you, is that right?
Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good.

Roger: What's wrong, sweetie?
Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, nothing.
Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong? C'mon.
Phoebe Buffay: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.
Roger: Oh. They don't.
Phoebe Buffay: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...
Roger: What?
Phoebe Buffay: Intense and creepy.
Roger: Oh.
Phoebe Buffay: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.
Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.
Phoebe Buffay: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!
Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behavior when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependent, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.

Rachel Green: [waitressing] Okay! You guys want anything else?
Chandler Bing: Oh, yes! Can I have one of those...
Rachel Green: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?
Roger: Did I - Did I say something...
Chandler Bing: Nah, she's still upset 'cause I saw her boobies.
Ross: Huh, what? What did-? What were you doing seeing her boobies?
Chandler Bing: It was an accident. It's not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of doughnuts.
Rachel Green: Okay, okay, can we change the subject, please?
Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, hello, these are not her 'boobies', these are her breasts.
Rachel Green: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.
Chandler Bing: You know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed. They were very nice boobies.
Rachel Green: Nice? They were 'nice'? I mean, that - that's it? I mean, mittens are 'nice'.

Roger: What's wrong, Phoebs?
Phoebe Buffay: Nothing, nothing.
Roger: No, what's wrong?
Phoebe Buffay: Okay.
[lies back, resting her head on his lap]
Phoebe Buffay: It's... I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's just, uh, it's my friends. They... they have a liking problem with you... in that, uh, they don't.