David Schwimmer credited as playing...
Dr. Ross Geller
- Dr. Ross Geller: [Monica is trying to convince the gang that she can be irresponsible, random, and a "kook"] All right, you madcap gal, try to imagine this: the phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
- Monica Geller: Why not?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Because you're a 'kook'! Instead, you wait until they send you a notice.
- Monica Geller: [a little uncomfortable] I could do that.
- Rachel Green: Okay, okay, you let me go grocery shopping...
- Monica Geller: No problem!
- Rachel Green: I'm not done yet.
- Monica Geller: Oh.
- Rachel Green: *And... * I buy laundry detergent *But... * it's not the one with the easy-pour spout!
- Monica Geller: *Why would someone do that?*
- [she catches herself]
- Monica Geller: One might wonder... but I would be fine with that.
- Chandler Bing: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink. It's a hot day.
- [Monica begins to squirm, and Chandler goes in for the kill]
- Chandler Bing: Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
- Monica Geller: *Stop it!* Oh, my god... it's true. Who am I?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Monica... you're Mom.
- [Phoebe imitates screeching violins from "Psycho" and slashes air with imaginary knife]
- Rachel Green: Come on, she's a person. You can do it!
- Chandler Bing: Oh, please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
- Dr. Ross Geller: He can never get a woman like that in a million years.
- Chandler Bing: Thank you, buddy.
- Phoebe Buffay: Oh, oh, but you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys. You could be one of those guys.
- Phoebe Buffay: [to Rachel] I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
- Chandler Bing: [to Rachel] Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out!
- Monica Geller: Guys, I am not that bad!
- Phoebe Buffay: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you, you were like a little...
- [imitates screeching violins from Psycho]
- Monica Geller: That is so unfair!
- Dr. Ross Geller: Oh, come on, when we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!