Courteney Cox credited as playing...
Monica Geller
- Monica Geller: [the newspaper delivery guy has left a ruined paper at Monica's door] Look, and he did my crossword puzzle!
- Dr. Ross Geller: Yeah, but not very well, unless 14 across, Gershwin musical actually is 'bite me, bite me, bite me'
- Chandler Bing: [Joey and Chandler walk into Monica and Rachel's apartment] Hey! How much are you guys tipping the Super this year? Only we were gonna give him 50 but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look bad.
- Monica Geller: Oh, actually, this year we just baked him homemade cookies.
- Chandler Bing: And 25 it is...
- Joey Tribbiani: You baked him cookies?
- Monica Geller: Money is so impersonal, cookies says someone really cares.
- [Joey and Chandler look at Monica]
- Monica Geller: OK, we're broke, but cookies do say that!
- Phoebe Buffay: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick!
- Chandler Bing: Er, Phoebs, were these
- [air quotation marks]
- Chandler Bing: funny brownies?
- Phoebe Buffay: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them!
- Dr. Ross Geller: [Showing the gang the Christmas presents he's just bought] I got this frame, from Ben, to my parents. I got these hers and hers towels for Carol and Susan. And err, I got this blouse for mum.
- [Pulls out tacky blouse with medals on]
- Monica Geller: Ross, that is gorgeous! Look at these authentic fake medals, I tell you what, mum's gonna be voted best dressed in the make believe military academy!
- Phoebe Buffay: [about the photo frame, Ross has just bought] Oh my God, where did you get this?
- Dr. Ross Geller: Err, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.
- Phoebe Buffay: This is my dad, this is a picture of my dad!
- Chandler Bing: Err, Phoebs, that's the guy who comes in the frame.
- Phoebe Buffay: No it isn't. Alright, look, I'll show you.
- [Starts rummaging through handbag]
- Rachel Green: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison?
- Phoebe Buffay: No, that's my step dad. My real dad ran out on us before I was born.
- Rachel Green: How have you not been on Oprah?
- Phoebe Buffay: [Pulls out photo in wallet and holds against frame] see, same guy.
- Monica Geller: Erm, sweetie, this is the frame guy posing in front of a bright, blue screen with a collie.
- Phoebe Buffay: It is not a blue screen!
- [Looks again]
- Phoebe Buffay: Alright, maybe it was just really clear that day?
- [after a pause]
- Phoebe Buffay: OK, I have to speak to my Grandmother.
- [Leaves]
- Dr. Ross Geller, Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Monica Geller: Hey, Phoebs, wait!
- Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Monica Geller: Wow!
- Joey Tribbiani: [Changing the subject] so anyway, I'm trying to get my boss's ex wife to sleep with me!
- Dr. Ross Geller, Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Monica Geller: Joey?
- Joey Tribbiani: Oh, but when phoebe hasa problem, everyone's all ears!
- Monica Geller: [to Joey and Chandler] you guys haven't got your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what are you gonna do?
- Chandler Bing: Don't you have to be claymation to say stuff like that?
- Monica Geller: [about Mr Treager] Ross, looks like he's playing baseball!
- Dr. Ross Geller: You mean hardball?
- Monica Geller: Whatever.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [Ross is trying to bribe Mr Treager to fix the radiator] Hey, here's another £50. Happy Hanukkah. Will this help with the knob fixing?
- Mr. Treeger: [Looking slightly exasperated] No, the place isn't open until Tuesday.
- [to Monica and Rachel]
- Mr. Treeger: am I not saying it right?
- Monica Geller: Wait, so you really did like my cookies?
- Mr. Treeger: Oh yeah, they were so personal, really showed you cared.