Steve Zahn: Duncan

The One with Phoebe's Husband

Duncan

Rachel: [on phone] Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the woman was walking alone at night. I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing
[a pigeon flies in the window]
Rachel: OH MY GAAWD, oh my God, mom I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go.
[hangs up]
Rachel: Ah!
[in a soothing voice]
Rachel: OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot - it's not for you.
[grabs a pot and lid]
Rachel: OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy.
[puts pot over the pigeon]
Rachel: Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh,
[turns over pot]
Rachel: oh-uh
[knock at the door]
Rachel: It's open you guys.
Duncan: [enters with flowers] Hi.
Rachel: Hey, hey can I help you?
Duncan: Yeah, I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?
Rachel: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, I can get a message to her.
Duncan: Great. Uhh, just tell her her husband stopped by.
Rachel: Her what?
[in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and lets it fly out]
Duncan: Hey, how, how did you do that?

Phoebe: I don't understand. How can you be straight? I mean, you're so smart and funny, and you throw such great Academy Award parties.
Duncan: I know. That's what I kept telling myself. But you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.
Phoebe: So how long have you known?
Duncan: I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I thought I was supposed to be something else. You know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay. I was just trying to fit in.
Phoebe: And, um... And there's actually a woman?
Duncan: Her name's Debra.
Phoebe: Oh. Well, is she the first that you've been with?
Duncan: Well, I've never told you this but there were one or two times back in college when I'd get really drunk and go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I told myself it was the liquor, and everyone experiments in college... But now I know I don't have a choice about this. I was born this way.