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Hank Azaria and Billy West in Futurama (1999)

Maurice LaMarche: Calculon • Academy Awards Announcer

That's Lobstertainment!

Futurama

Maurice LaMarche credited as playing...

Calculon • Academy Awards Announcer

Quotes9

  • Calculon: Are you my hot water heater?
  • Bender: No, I'm Bender. We met once, remember?
  • Calculon: Absolutely not.
  • Bender: Come on, don't you remember how much I bugged you? Don't you? 'Cause it was a lot. You remember, right?
  • Calculon: Look, I'm programmed to be very busy. Unless you can heat water to 212 degrees, I'm not interested.
  • [closes door; Bender knocks again]
  • Calculon: Have you got an extra GOTO 10 line? I said I don't need a bender.
  • Bender: Bender? That was the other guy. My name's Boiler.
  • [cut to Bender serving as water boiler for Calculon's shower]
  • Calculon: Nice work, Boiler.
  • Bender: Thanks. And call me Bender.
  • Calculon: I told you I want an Oscar!
  • Bender: Then maybe you should act better.
  • Calculon: The Oscar isn't about acting. It's about earning the respect and admiration of the creative community.
  • Harold Zoid: How about we rig the awards?
  • Calculon: That's fine too.
  • Calculon: [to Bender] You listen to me, I'm out a million bucks here! You get me that Oscar, or you're dead! You and these sniveling lobsters. Dead, you hear me? DEEAADD!
  • [Calculon leaves, as Bender and Zoidberg shake in fear]
  • Harold Zoid: Oy, NOW he emotes!
  • Calculon: [upset] Everyone walked out. They hated it. I've seen plagues that had better opening nights than this. You said that Oscar was practically on my mantle.
  • Bender: Now you know why I used the qualifier "practically".
  • Calculon: 400 categories, and not a single nomination for me.
  • Dr. Zoidberg: But you won this Golden Globe.
  • Calculon: Piffle! That's the Emmy of movie awards!
  • Bender: Then you're not gonna kill us, your majesty?
  • Calculon: Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.
  • Calculon: Let me see the script.
  • [after reading for a second]
  • Calculon: No, I don't like the font. Wait. "Harold Zoid". Was this written by 'the' Harold Zoid?
  • Dr. Zoidberg: Written and Xeroxed.
  • Academy Award Presenter: And the nominees for Best Soft Drink Product Placement are... Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation, They Call Me Mr. Pibb, and Snow White and the Seven-ups.
  • Calculon: And you say you can guarantee me the Oscar?
  • Bender: I can guarantee you anything you want.

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