Don Adams credited as playing...
Maxwell Smart
- Chief: Now remember, now that we know that KAOS is in possession of the stolen plans, what we have to find out is how they intend to smuggle them out of the country and when.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes. Well, what you're saying, Chief is that now that we know how, all we have to do is find out who, when and where.
- Chief: No, forget about where. When we find out how, we'll know where.
- Maxwell Smart: Well, how will how tell us where?
- Chief: If it's going by boat, it's probably going to Richelieu's salon in Beirut, which is a safe port. If it's going by plane, it'll probably go to his salon in Damascus. You understand?
- Maxwell Smart: Yes, I understand Chief, but I don't think I quite agree with you. You see all you've told me is that we know how but we don't know who, when or where. So that tells us that we don't know anything.
- Chief: [blinks] What?
- Maxwell Smart: Well, we know who, and that doesn't tell us when, so why should how tell us where?
- Chief: Max, you're driving me crazy.
- Maxwell Smart: How?
- Chief: Don't say that word!
- Maxwell Smart: Why?
- Maxwell Smart: No 99, I can't let you do it, it's too risky. No, it's out of the question. And there's nothing that you can say or do that will make me change my mind. That's final, that settles it, that's it.
- # 99: But Max, I want to.
- Maxwell Smart: Ok.
- Maxwell Smart: [speaking on 99's cologne bottle phone] Good idea, 99. And just so nobody will recognize me, I'll disguise my face.
- # 99: [speaking on her compact phone] But Max, if you disguise your face, how will I recognize you?
- Maxwell Smart: [sprays himself in the face with the cologne bottle again in order to reply] Just look for a man who smells like a woman.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh, and one more thing: you were wrong about where.
- Chief: I was wrong about what?
- Maxwell Smart: Not what, where. You see, knowing how the shipment was sent didn't tell us who, it only told us why.
- Chief: What are you talking about?
- # 99: How and when didn't tell us what and where.
- Chief: You too?
- # 99: When we knew what and how, we should have known when and where.
- Maxwell Smart: No, why and who told us when and where.