Lauren Graham credited as playing...
Lorelai Gilmore
- Rory Gilmore: [visiting from Yale to find the house's new alarm blasting] I can't even believe there's a security company in Stars Hollow. Nothing ever happens here!
- Lorelai Gilmore: Oh that is not true. Plenty happens here.
- Rory Gilmore: Like what?
- Lorelai Gilmore: Like, people now break into your houses and install alarm systems.
- Rory Gilmore: I heard about that.
- Lorelai Gilmore: And we have a new mail carrier.
- Rory Gilmore: We do?
- Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah. So now, if you want to get your mail, you have to go see Miss Patty.
- Rory Gilmore: Why?
- Lorelai Gilmore: Cause that's where he brings it. He brings Babette's mail to Andrew, Norma's mail to the deli, and Taylor still hasn't found his mail, which I have to admit is kinda fun.
- Rory Gilmore: I rescind my previous statement. This place is hopping.
- Luke Danes: There is no fate.
- Lorelai Gilmore: What do you mean there is no fate! Of course there is fate!
- Luke Danes: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing, you cannot read a palm, tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis. And the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
- Lorelai Gilmore: I totally knew you were gonna say that.
- Luke Danes: I came over here, my fault.
- Lorelai Gilmore: I read your mind! It spoke to me! We're psychic!
- Luke Danes: Enjoy the fries.
- Lorelai Gilmore: [Taylor is making Lorelai's renovation project difficult] That's it!
- [She grabs Taylor's lapels]
- Taylor Doose: Lorelai, watch it. I've got church later.
- Lorelai Gilmore: What did I do to make you torture me like this, Taylor?
- Taylor Doose: I don't know what you're talking about.
- Lorelai Gilmore: The hoops! The hoops with the jumping and the fire and the hoops!
- Taylor Doose: It's just business, Lorelai.
- Lorelai Gilmore: I pay to shop in your store. I eat your banana splits. I've never physically hurt you... except for that one spit wad in the one town meeting, but I didn't mean for it to hit your eye and I apologized profusely, so please, please, put me out of my misery and tell me what I need to do to make this thing happen!
- Taylor Doose: I want an ice cream truck!
- Lorelai Gilmore: What?
- Taylor Doose: I want to sell ice cream off a truck in the summer. I want to park it in front of the soda shop. I want to ring the bell on it every day at noon, but the only place I can park it is the space that's partly in front of Luke's diner.
- Lorelai Gilmore: So?
- Taylor Doose: You have pull with Luke.
- Lorelai Gilmore: I guess, maybe.
- Taylor Doose: You're friends.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Yes.
- Taylor Doose: You can get him to agree to this.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Use my pull.
- Taylor Doose: If you don't mind.
- Lorelai Gilmore: So if I get Luke to agree to this, the madness stops?
- Taylor Doose: If that's what you want to call it.
- Lorelai Gilmore: The work begins and the porch goes?
- Taylor Doose: All expedited, nice and neat.
- Lorelai Gilmore: An ice cream truck?
- Taylor Doose: An ice cream truck.
- Lorelai Gilmore: [She lets go of Taylor] You can go.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Kirk, please, what can we do right now? The alarm is just so loud.
- Kirk Gleason: Yeah, that's my fault too. I asked Jimmy to really crank it up.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Well, he did.
- Kirk Gleason: If you're gonna have an alarm, you need it loud. You don't want some crazed knife-wielding gunman at your throat, and the neighbors are going, like, "Is that a fan? Did I leave the water running?" You want them to know, hey, that's an alarm.
- Lorelai Gilmore: Your imaginary attacker has a knife *and* a gun?
- Kirk Gleason: And a really dirty tank top.