Betty White credited as playing...
Rose Nylund
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, what are those pills for?
- Rose Nylund: The doctor prescribed them when I wrenched my back.
- Blanche Devereaux: I didn't know you had hurt your back.
- Rose Nylund: Oh, it's an old farm injury from St Olaf. Ahh, I'll never forget when it happened. It was time to plant the crops, but after seventeen years of pulling a plow, poor old Bessie was worn out.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Well, why didn't you just get another mule?
- Rose Nylund: Oh, Bessie wasn't a mule. She was a big, fat lady who pulled farm plows for a living.
- Blanche Devereaux: [astonished] For God's sake. What about tractors?
- Rose Nylund: Well, come on, Blanche. If she was too old to pull a plow, how could she ever pull a tractor?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [Rose is realizing she may be hooked on her medication] Honey, there's a place for people with this kind of problem.
- Sophia Petrillo: Please, what is she gonna do in the NBA?
- Blanche Devereaux: Rose, let us call a rehabilitation center for you.
- Rose Nylund: No, I don't need one of those places. I can't go to one of those places. I'd be too ashamed. I'd be too embarrassed.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: What is there to be ashamed of? You have a medical problem. Was Betty Ford embarrassed? Was... was Liza Minnelli embarrassed?
- Sophia Petrillo: She should have been. Did you see "Arthur 2"?
- Blanche Devereaux: [describing her temptations after her husband George died] There was a man. He asked me to sleep with him. I said, *No*. But I knew something greater than my will-power was necessary for me to resist him, so I called my sister.
- Rose Nylund: Did she help talk you through it?
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh, better than that. She drove straight over, she took him by the throat, she said if he ever tried that again she would shoot him through the head.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Just because he made a pass at you?
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh, did I forget to mention that the man was my sister's husband?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [Dorothy is skeptical about Sophia's claim that she's been asked to be in a pizza-store commercial] OK, OK, Ma, where are you going to shoot this commercial?
- Sophia Petrillo: Well, we discussed many exotic, uh, locations, and we settled on... right here!
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh, now hold on here. I don't want a TV crew comin' in here, messin' up my kitchen, settin' up all that video equipment.
- Rose Nylund: Well, how about shooting it in your bedroom, Blanche? The equipment's already set up there.
- Blanche Devereaux: Rose, you can't stop takin' these pills. You have a problem.
- Rose Nylund: I can stop, and I'll start stopping tomorrow. Oh, boy, will you be proud of me. You just wait. Only I can't stop tonight.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Why not?
- Rose Nylund: Because... because! Because tonight is the anniversary of the death of my beloved cat, Fluffy.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Rose, you have never had cats. You're allergic.
- Rose Nylund: OK, it's the anniversary of the death of my beloved brother, Fluffy.