Bea Arthur credited as playing...
Dorothy Zbornak
- Blanche Devereaux: What's the most romantic thing a man ever did for you, Dorothy?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, well, the most romantic thing was when Stan proposed. Oh, he took me to a very expensive restaurant. I went to the powder room, and when I returned to the table, there was an open bottle of Dom Pérignon and two filled glasses. We clinked the glasses in a toast, and Stan gave me a coy smile, and I winked at him, and then I just downed the champagne in one gulp, and it didn't go down smoothly. Later, Stan told me that he put my engagement ring in the bottom of the glass. It turned up three days later.
- Rose Nylund: Where'd it turn up, Dorothy?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: On the Home Shopping Network, Rose.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [Phone rings and Dorothy answers] Hello? Ma! Do you know what time it is? You're what? Oh, the hell you are! Listen, you are not spending the night at Rocco's! Look, as long as you live under our roof, you will abide by our rules! I should do *what* to myself? Hello? Hel...
- Blanche Devereaux: Dorothy, is your mother alright?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Oh, fine! She does something wrong, suddenly she's MY mother!
- Sophia Petrillo: [finding thousands of dollars in Rocco's bag] When we got to the bank, Rocco told me to stay in the car with the motor running. A few minutes later he came running out of the bank carrying that bag.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: And did you think to ask him *why* he was running?
- Sophia Petrillo: No, the man's taking diuretics for a prostate problem, his whole life is the 100 yard dash.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: Hi Ma.
- Sophia Petrillo: What the hell are you doing home? I thought you had a 4 o'clock beauty parlor appointment.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I did. They finished with me early.
- Sophia Petrillo: On Christie Brinkley, they can finish early. You need every minute they can spare. Now get back there.
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: [about Rocco, Sophia's latest boyfriend] ... Ever since ma started seeing him, she's on the phone all the time, she stays up all night. Last night she came with NyQuil on her breath and his surgical stockings in her pocket.
- Rose Nylund: Dorothy, can I ask you something?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I don't know what it means - I just don't like the possibilities.
- Rose Nylund: No - I wanted to ask you - do you think Blanche has been picking on me lately?
- Dorothy Petrillo-Zbornak: I haven't noticed.
- Rose Nylund: [Blanche walks in] Hi, Blanche!
- Blanche Devereaux: ...Must you always be so cheerful you... empty-headed, Mary Poppins knock-off!
- Rose Nylund: [to Dorothy] Let me know if you notice anything.