Estelle Getty credited as playing...
Sophia Petrillo
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [reminiscing] All of us on the tennis team decided that we would wear our tennis whites to the prom. Well, I showed up and... I was the only one.
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh, your date must have been horrified.
- Sophia Petrillo: No, her brother was a really good sport about it.
- Trudy McMann: [reminiscing about their long history of playing practical jokes on each other, conversation turns to Dorothy's loss to Trudy for class treasurer in High School] I admired you after that loss, Dorothy. You just picked up the pieces and went on, just like you did after Stanley ran off with that stewardess. Boy, I envy you your gumption.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: And I your breast implants.
- Blanche Devereaux: This may not be my place, but you two hardly sound like old friends.
- Trudy McMann: Blanche is right. We should be more positive. Dorothy, you look wonderful.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Awww. The left one turned out nice.
- Rose Nylund: [scolding] Dorothy...
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Oh, come on, Rose, I'm just kidding. They're both practically the same size. How 'bout giving me a hand in the kitchen.
- Jack McMann: Were they like that in High School, Mrs Petrillo?
- Sophia Petrillo: Oh, no, her breasts were actually a lot smaller back then.
- Sophia Petrillo: Picture it: Sicily, 1852.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ma, I am in no mood. And besides, you weren't alive in 1852.
- Sophia Petrillo: What? We can't learn from history? It was mid-century and a disillusioned Italy looked to the house of Savoy for leadership. Giuseppe Garibaldi, our courageous leader, and not a bad dresser, thought, "Let's regain some national pride and jump into this Crimean War thing." Of course, there was a big kickoff party at Giuseppe's beach house, and everyone came. Coincidentally, this was also the night his wife Rosa hit her sexual peak.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ma, I am in here because of guilt.
- Sophia Petrillo: This is not a story about guilt. This is a story about being a bad hostess. While Rosa had Giuseppe in the bedroom with his saber around his ankles, were strip-searching mice for a piece of cheese.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ma, so what's your point? That Rosa and I throw bad parties?
- Sophia Petrillo: That's my minor point. My major point is that, like Rosa, you're screwing around in the bedroom when there are important things to do outside.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: I can't believe it. That makes sense. I mean, you went the long way around but that actually makes sense.