Carolyn Jones credited as playing...
Morticia Addams
- Morticia Addams: Oh, Gomez, the most touching thing has happened.
- Gomez Addams: [romantically] Your carnivorous plant put his tentacle around you again. Tish, I think you've been feeding them altogether too much hamburger.
- Miss Carver: [with utmost professional charm] And don't tell me, that gentleman behind you is Uncle Fester. I know from the description I've received.
- Uncle Fester: [dreading a forced marriage] You can't force me!
- Miss Carver: Oh, I never use force, just gentle persuasion. And sometimes in difficult cases I merely give a free sample and leave the prospect to think it over.
- Morticia Addams: Miss Carver! We don't countenance such behavior in this house.
- Miss Carver: Well, then I'll be happy to accept cash.
- Gomez Addams: Morticia, I must tell you: Uncle Fester is not himself.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, is that bad?
- Gomez Addams: [thinking] Maybe not.
- Uncle Fester: [ready to post his love letter] Do you think I ought to send a snapshot along?
- Morticia Addams: I believe so. How about that nice one the city took?
- Gomez Addams: The time you fell asleep on the park bench and they carried you off to the morgue by mistake.
- Uncle Fester: Well, under the circumstances, I... I though I'd take a bride.
- Morticia Addams: Uncle Fester, you just can't take a one, you're supposed to find your own.
- Gomez Addams: It's the sporting way, old boy.
- Morticia Addams: You'll be fighting the women off with clubs...
- Uncle Fester: Clubs?
- [things a moment]
- Uncle Fester: Yeah... I think I'd like that...
- Uncle Fester: You wouldn't even let me fix that leak in the roof! And my finger fit it perfectly.
- Morticia Addams: Uncle Fester, I told you: that's my favorite leak.
- Gomez Addams: Someone at the door!
- Morticia Addams: Oh darling, it's Uncle Festers mail order bride.
- Uncle Fester: Ugly duckling!
- Morticia Addams: Dear Uncle Fester... I haven't seen him this happy since he blew up the guest house.
- Gomez: I wonder what Uncle Fester's bride will be like? He once went with a girl who looked like a walrus.
- Morticia: Darling, beauty isn't everything.
- Gomez: You're right. He's talking about moving after the wedding. He's found a home in a nice condemned section.
- Morticia: I wonder what their children will be like...
- Gomez: Doesn't matter about the boys, but I hope the girls look like Uncle Fester.