Alfred Hitchcock credited as playing...
Self - Host
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: [in the bathtub] This is what I get for having a telephone in the bathroom.
- [introduction]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: [a disrobed Hitchcock is lying in a bath that's overflowing with suds as he faces and speaks to the audience; the bath curtains are drawn] Good evening. No, this is not an effort on our part to add sex to the program.
- [camera moves in quickly]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: I'm dressed for the party. A come as you are party. This is what one gets for having a telephone in the bathroom. Well, it could have been worse. I feel a bit like Cinderella. I've been warned that I must positively leave the ball before low tide, and I can't afford to take chances. After all, I was once arrested for indecent exposure when I removed a Halloween mask. All of you of course are invited to the party, but remember, don't drop what you are doing, bring it along. But first, we must meet the man who throws these weekly soirees, and who always manages to spoil the fun. Our dear host.
- [afterword]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: [Hitchcock is still in the bathtub and is wiping suds off a bottle] This is not part of the festivities. I found this bottle with a message in it floating in the tub. It could be a plea for help from some castaway or even a last note from the hero of tonight's saga.
- [Hitchcock takes the message out of the bottle and reads it]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: This is certainly a sneaky way to get a message in. It's from Big Brother again. I'll just put some soap on the floor and slip back at the conclusion of his remarks.
- [commercial break, after which Hitchcock is wearing a bathrobe with hands in pockets and standing outside the still sudsy bath]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: Well, the evening wasn't a total loss. I got my back washed and also received a very good job offer. An Italian actress needs a stuntman to take a bubble bath for her in her next picture. I was hired when it was discovered that the actress and I had the same measurements, in different places of course. I shall be finished in time for next week's program. Until then, good night.