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Steve McQueen and Arthur Hill in Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1955)

Alfred Hitchcock: Self - Host

Human Interest Story

Alfred Hitchcock Presents

Alfred Hitchcock credited as playing...

Self - Host

Quotes2

  • [prologue - Hitchcock is standing in front of a hi-fi system]
  • Self - Host: Good evening. Do you enjoy assembling your own high fidelity or stereophonic sound systems with their complicated components as speakers on every wall? Then you'll be especially interested in what I'm about to show you. I have just developed what I consider the latest in sound reproduction.
  • [walks over to a gramophone player]
  • Self - Host: This is designed for those persons who desire simplicity rather than fidelity. As you can see, there is only one speaker. Nor is that the only improvement. We've also eliminated the old fashioned record changer. Now only two attachments are necessary - a small crank and a hearing aid. By the way, neither of those items is needed for our next number.
  • [epilogue]
  • Self - Host: Our next bit of science fiction comes in the form of a one-minute commercial, after which I shall reappear. As for Mr. Everett, I should say that he was caught and paid his debt to society, except that the Earth man society that love to catch and penalize one another ceased to exist after we took over.
  • [Hitch looks off-camera]
  • Self - Host: We have taken over, haven't we? We haven't?
  • [commercial break, after which Hitch is slumped on his elbows behind bars in a jail cell]
  • Self - Host: My fellow Martians seemed to have taken umbrage of my letting the cat out of the bag. However, I shall be allowed to return to Earth next week at the same time. We Martians have found that those not smart enough to be trusted, the ones with very low IQ's, are still perfectly suited to appear on television. Our institutions are full of them. Good night.

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