Alfred Hitchcock credited as playing...
Self - Host
- [introduction - three women pass the camera carrying boxes following Hitchcock in a safari hat]
- Himself - Host: Bwana, wait here.
- [turns to the viewer]
- Himself - Host: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to darkest Hollywood. Night brings a stillness to the jungle. It is so quiet, you can hear a name drop, but the savage beasts have already begun gathering at the waterholes to quench their thirst. Now one should be especially alert. The vicious tablehopper is on the prowl and the spotted backbiter may lurk behind a potted palm. In order to reach the scene of tonight's story, our little safari must now move inexorably and incomprehensibly from smoggy Hollywood to foggy London. Fortunately, we make the side trip through the pure, exhilarating air of commercial television.
- [afterword]
- Himself - Host: Good evening again. Following that little presentation, I'm prepared to continue our little safari through the jungles of Hollywood. As you can see, I'm ready to hunt for the really big game, so I've hired a native guide.
- [Hitchcock snaps his fingers and a man wearing a board reading 'Addresses of The Stars' comes on camera]
- Himself - Host: He claims to know exactly where the big ones are to be found.
- [Hitchcock snaps his fingers again and the man walks off camera]
- Himself - Host: In order to flush the game from its hiding place, we use a pack of fierce autograph hounds. Just yesterday, they treed a big boar and before they could be stopped, they had torn his dinner jacket to bits. Now as an example of the flora and fauna of this area, we present a motion picture. This picture was shot under incredible conditions. We were in constant danger of the heat, native attacks and tempermental outbursts. Five years in the preparation, a year in shooting, all distilled into one precious minute, but I see it's time for me to keep an important appointment. I shall rejoin you following this. It will only take a minute.
- [walks to a native]
- Himself - Host: His time is valuable.
- [sits down in a chair talking to the native, who's a therapist, as we go to commercial]
- Himself - Host: I'm afraid I must press on until next week at this same time. My native bearers are getting restless. That last commercial frightened them. Koanga. Makambo.
- [walks off camera with the three women from earlier]