Alfred Hitchcock credited as playing...
Self - Host
- [introduction - only the upper half of Hitchcock is shown]
- Self - Host: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Please do not be alarmed. Nothing has happened to your television set nor are you slipping below the coffee table again. We've decided to economize. Everyone had to take a 50 percent cut. I was fortunate. We have an extremely short cameraman who was eliminated entirely. We anticipate great savings since we shall be transmitting only half as much as previously. This process also has an educational value. The very young can cover the top part of the screen and be able to see what radio programs used to look like. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our next two features, we leave our new widescreen process and go to the conventionally-shaped picture.
- [afterword - the lower half of the screen is still black]
- Self - Host: [off-camera] Where are you? What? I'm looking -
- [comes into view]
- Self - Host: Oh, there you are. I couldn't find you. Before our overzealous efficiency expert blacks me out entirely, I should mention that Mr. Gifford was caught and paid the supreme penalty. In his case, a heavy fine. You see, the moral of tonight's story is the perfect murder should also include a happy funeral and a decent burial. And now for the perfect commercial, after which I will return.
- [commercial]
- Self - Host: I'm certain you'll be delighted to know that we saved enough money tonight so that next week, we shall be able to send you a double exposure. And now, until then,
- [the screen goes completely black]
- Self - Host: when I assure you we shall return to television, good night, wherever you are.