Alfred Hitchcock credited as playing...
Self - Host
- [first lines]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [sign on an easel reads, "Moved To New Location". camera pans to show Hitchcock is lying on a shelf with a tea set] Oh, good evening. I'm so glad you found me. As you can see, our, uh,
- [looks briefly down at the tea set]
- Alfred Hitchcock: new quarters are rather modest, but we like the location and thought the change might do us good, also. And now, if you don't mind, I would like to indulge in an old American custom. No matter how busy they are or what the surroundings may be, Americans never omit this quaint ritual. If you don't care to join me, I think you'll find our play is about to begin on one of the lower shelves.
- [looks down below]
- [last lines]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is climbing down from the shelf he was on with a tea cup in his hand] I presume that story was intended to illustrate that blood is thicker than water. I always find it heartwarming to see a family standing shoulder to shoulder in the face of adversity. Unfortunately, the authorities were not thrilled by this sight, and were seen tossing about such phrases as, "Obstructing justice," "Accessory after the fact," "Murder in the first degree." Very nasty. The Princeys received substantial sentences. You see, unfortunately, Captain Smollet didn't play the game. When the police arrived, he insisted on his innocence, thus confusing poor Millicent to such an extent that she re-enacted the crime with her father as the victim. Broke the croquet mallet, too. I believe I'll have another.
- [pours from the teapot, then picks up the milk pitcher; it is empty when he tries to pour it]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Hmm. There's no more vermouth. Oh, well...
- [opens the sugar bowl, picks up an olive from it, and stirs it into his cup]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Fortunately, I still have plenty of olives.
- [drinks]
- Alfred Hitchcock: That was exceedingly dry. Next week, we shall be back at the same old stand. Please drop in again. Good night.