Alfred Hitchcock credited as playing...
Self - Host
- [first lines]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: Quiet, please.
- [Hitchcock bangs a gavel on a narrow desk which has a pitcher of water and glass on a tray on one side, and a row of books within bookends on the other]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: Good evening, fellow necromaniacs. I'm glad so many of you could come. I should explain that the word has nothing to do with necking. I'm awfully sorry I haven't time to explain it now. You'll just have to look it up in the dictionary. As you know, we are not allowed to present our play unless we have a quorum. Tonight, we are concerned with those three little words: Who Done It. When our story opens, the more sordid details are safely out of the way. For the hero of tonight's Grand Guignol is already quite dead.
- [last lines]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: Well... why they would go to heaven is certainly a mystery to me. After she had assisted her husband out of this veil of tears, Mrs. Arlington sought solace in a quick marriage to Mr. Benson. And they lived happily ever after. He in the state penitentiary and she at the women's detention home, where she found a very nice job in the mailroom. Vincent, of course, became filthy rich. Which reminds me that we were to hear from the Committee on Ways and Means. However, they were unable to attend. They didn't have the money for the bus fare. In which case, I declare this meeting adjourned.
- [bangs the gavel again]