Alfred Hitchcock credited as playing...
Self - Host
- [first lines]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: [Hitchcock appears with his back to the camera; there is a knife stuck in his back. He turns to the camera with a pained look] Oh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Hollywood.
- [grimaces a little]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: I think everyone enjoys a nice murder... provided he is not the victim. Well, tonight's little comedy of bad manners is concerned with that dream of all of us who harbor homicidal tendencies: The perfect murder. Of course, to be serious for a moment, there is no such thing as a nice murder or a perfect murder. It is always a sordid, despicable business. Especially if you don't have a good lawyer. According to statistics, a murder will be committed during the next sixty seconds, as well as four armed robberies, thirty-three petty thefts, and a forgery. There will also be a television commercial. If you doubt me, watch.
- [last lines]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: As for the eventual outcome of tonight's crime, the case was later re-opened and Henri, arrested and convicted of violating The Pure Food and Drug Act. He had used an inferior grade of glass. We shall have our next performance of another play one week from tonight.
- [Hitchcock half-turns and we see that the knife is still stuck in his back]
- Alfred Hitchcock - Host: Oh, yes. Normally, I detest sentimentality. But I must leave you with this little thought for the day: Never turn your back on a friend. Good night.
- [Hitchcock turns away from the camera and walks off, knife still in back]