Carroll O'Connor credited as playing...
Archie Bunker
- Paul: [when the Bunker house is defaced by mistake, Mike and a radical Jewish defender disagree about how to respond] I don't agree with what you say, but I like your chutzpah. Y'know somethin'? One of these days you're gonna find out that this is the only answer.
- Paul: [he forms Mike's hand into a fist] Right there.
- Mike Stivic: I still think you're wrong. Because this...
- Mike Stivic: [He makes his other hand into a fist] ... only gets you this.
- Paul: OK, friend. You keep talkin', and I'll do what I have to do. Shalom.
- [he leaves]
- Edith Bunker: Shalom. What does that mean?
- Mike Stivic: Believe it or not, Ma, it means 'Peace'.
- Gloria Stivic: Jewish people also use it to say 'Hello' or 'Goodbye'.
- Edith Bunker: How do you know which one they mean?
- Archie Bunker: Why don't you use your common sense, Edith? If a Jew is comin' at you, it means 'Hello'. If he's goin' the other way, it means 'Goodbye'.
- Edith Bunker: [sincerely trying to understand] But when does it mean 'Peace'?
- Archie Bunker: Ahhh, Edith, in between 'Hello' and 'Goodbye'.
- Paul: Every person knows that Homo Sapiens is a killer.
- Edith Bunker: Homo Sapiens. Is he an Arab?
- Archie Bunker: No, Edith. Homo Sapiens. That's a killer fag.
- Boy Scout: Hey Mister, you know you got your flag hung up wrong?
- Archie Bunker: Now listen, Boy Scout - you're talkin' to a veteran of World War II. This is the way we used to hang the flag on the fire.
- Boy Scout: You were doin' it wrong. The stars are supposed to go in the other corner. You want me to hang it the right way for ya?
- Archie Bunker: Uhhh, yeah yeah, all right. You could do that. But uh, listen - no tip, that ain't a good deed.
- Boy Scout: [picks up the flag off the hanger and notices the swastika painted on the door underneath] Hey Mister, you know you got a swastika on your door?
- Archie Bunker: Awwwww, sheeeesshhhh... gimme the flag, kid, now GET LOST, HAH?
- Archie Bunker: The cops are gonna come over and they're gonna have a little investigation.
- Edith Bunker: Oh, I better get something to wipe that off the door.
- Archie Bunker: If this is some salesman's gag to get into the house, I tell ya right now, we don't need magazines.
- Paul: But you need protection.
- Edith Bunker: Is that anything like "Cosmopolitan"?