David Cross credited as playing...
Tobias Fünke
- Tobias Fünke: My schedule however, is as open as my relationship with my wife. So why don't we pair up? And hit the town together! I'll be your wingman. Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up!
- Michael: OK, that's enough family stuff for today.
- Tobias Fünke: [Tobias and a group of Hot Cops posing as gangsters approach a real gang] Hey, fezellas! Heh, looks like you guys are up to no good! Well, this gang used to be like that, two, three, four!
- [the Hot Cops all get into position as Tobias starts to dance to a hip-hop beat]
- Tobias Fünke: So you think you're tough? Well, we hate rappin'! But don't bust a cap in, 'cause here's what's happenin'! We're breaking out some old-fashioned tapping!
- [They all begin to tap dance]
- Hot Cops: Hey bloods and crips, there's a new gang in town-
- [a gunshot sounds]
- Hot Cop: Agh! I've been shot!
- [He falls to the ground]
- Tobias Fünke: We miscalculated! Retreat!
- [the group attempts to escape, but the gang blocks and beats them]
- Tobias Fünke: [to a group of male strippers posing as street thugs] All right, fellas, look. I know you know nothing but a life on the street, but I'd like to offer you something that the Queen Mary gave me. The joy of the stage. So maybe you could start jeté-ing... and stop "je-terrorizing me.