Robert Costanzo credited as playing...
Professor Vincent Thorndyke
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Look, the point is, everything I'm doing here is legal and above board and designed to enlighten and educate restaurateurs, merchants, and everybody else whose had it up to here with getting ripped off.
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Look I don't know what their talking about. Anyway, it's my word against theirs. So, unless you guys have something to charge me with, I am going back to the Institute because I got essays to grade.
- Capt. Barney Miller: You want to have a seat, Professor ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: All right, Wojo, get his statement.
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Hey, come on, what are you... I'm not doing anything wrong here. I'm helping people
- Capt. Barney Miller: By teaching them to steal
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: By teaching them to survive. I'm mean, what are they going to do. I'm mean, people can't even get a job these days. Let alone credit. You want them to starve
- Capt. Barney Miller: Professor...
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Or would they rather have them going out on the street clubbing each other over the head for a loaf of bread or a couple of stinkin' bucks. I'm educating people here pal. Getting people to use their brains not their fists. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Book'em
- Estelle Bobus: We're sorry about this Professor
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: Hey, wait a minute, Bobus and Kestner, Right ?
- Estelle Bobus: Right
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: You know, the check the two of you gave me for tuition. It bounced.
- Wilma Kestner: We thought you would be pleased.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo, don't you have things to do ?
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Yeah, but why the hell bother ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo !
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Barn, these guys come breezin' in here, acting like they own the damn world, like we're the one getting in the way. You might as well chuck the whole right now, and just go sit out on the street
- Capt. Barney Miller: My office.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: What's that going to accomplish ?
- Det. Ron Harris: Barn, he's got a point
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: I got dibs on the curb
- Capt. Barney Miller: Come on, it's just a building. And a damn lousy one at that. I mean, we... we sweat like pigs in the summertime, freeze our tails off in the winter. I got a bathroom that is an embarrassment. The roof leaks. You really want my opinion, we should have been out of here years ago.
- Joseph Saxon: Roof, huh ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: All right, it's been home, we've done some fine work here. But, they can't take that away from us. What would be so terrible if we... we moved to some nicer quarters ? Someplace with a... electric typewriters. With a bathroom that is a bathroom. A window that actually looks out on something. What would be so terrible ? The point is, what's the difference where we work, as long as we're working together ?
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: I hear they got a Mr. Coffee over at Manhattan South .
- Capt. Barney Miller: Oh, there you go. Why don't you grab yourself a cup, when you drop off the professor there. You can head on home from there.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Thanks Barney
- Capt. Barney Miller: You guys too, it's almost check-out time you go ahead on home.
- Det. Ron Harris: Thank you Barney
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: I feel better
- Jack Norrell: Listen Captain, I think we will be heading out to. We're going take a look at that roof... hey, nice speech
- Capt. Barney Miller: Thank you
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: You know, he's right, this place is in a lot of trouble
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Leave it alone
- Professor Vincent Thorndyke: If it's a matter of a deed, low interest...
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Leave it alone
- Det. Ron Harris: Barn, Arthur and I are going to stop for a bite, do you want to join us
- Capt. Barney Miller: No, I have some paperwork to finish up
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Better hurry
- Capt. Barney Miller: Good Night
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: See you, Barn
- Det. Ron Harris: Good Night, Barney