Jack Soo credited as playing...
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana
- Telephone Repairman: Are you really a cop?
- Yemana: Yeah, why do you ask?
- Telephone Repairman: Never seen a Japanese cop before.
- Yemana: Ever been in Tokyo?
- Telephone Repairman: Flew over it, during the war
- Yemana: I bet you were an officer
- Telephone Repairman: Colonel, how'd you know?
- Yemana: I know a lot of telephone repairman.
- Alan Schuster: I didn't know Orientals had a sense of humor.
- Yemana: Are you kidding? We invented gunpowder.
- Det. Ron Harris: Well, he's dead
- Det. Phil Fish: What ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo ?
- Det. Ron Harris: No, Schuster ? I let a few rumors sneak out, it's right here on the second page. Check it out.
- Det. Phil Fish: You !...
- Capt. Barney Miller: An unconfirmed rumor from an undisclosed source, Alan Schuster state witness scheduled to appear today before the crime commission, went to a Eastside Hospital... critical condition... overdose... undisclosed... died this morning at 5:15 AM... .Perfect... Sorry to see you go , Mr. Schuster
- Alan Schuster: Did they say anything nice about me ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Not really.
- Yemana: Of course, they don't know you like we do
- Capt. Barney Miller: How's Wojo ?
- Det. Ron Harris: Sick as a dog ? But he's going to be okay. The doctor said a dude with an ordinary constitution would have cashed it in.
- Yemana: He could eat a desk
- Capt. Barney Miller: All right, Mr. Schuster get ready to travel. Harris, you and Fish take him over to City Hall, and turn him over to the Crime Commission
- Det. Ron Harris: Okay, Schuster. Oh, no handcuffs. You'll ride in the back with me. Try to act as if your just another one of the detectives in this squad.
- Alan Schuster: How do I do that ?
- Det. Ron Harris: Oh, just look at me with admiration and respect
- Capt. Barney Miller: Open it up, Nick
- Yemana: Yeah
- Capt. Barney Miller: Marty, I just spoke to the Department store, they're willing to accept the fact that you intended to buy the luggage, so ,uh, get over there, give them the money and they'll drop charges
- Marty Morrison: Well, they are really expensive bags. I don't think I can afford them.
- Capt. Barney Miller: They go with your shoes
- Yemana: Bon Voyage
- Marty Morrison: Thank you. Good luck. I don't suppose we'll be seeing each other again
- Alan Schuster: I probably won't be seeing anybody again
- Capt. Barney Miller: Check in Marty, I want to know what happens.
- Marty Morrison: Yes, Captain... Uh... Goodbye, I really enjoy our brief encounter
- Alan Schuster: Likewise
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: Hey, How you doing Barney? Hi, guys.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Hey Chano, did you make the bust ?
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: Yeah, sure, made it nice and easy. Nothing to it. Got him with all the stuff.
- Det. Phil Fish: Very good. Where's my money?
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: Uh... I ain't got it.
- Yemana: You ain't got it. What do you mean, you ain't got it?
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale, Det. Phil Fish: Quick--someone take my gun away .
- Capt. Barney Miller: What happened ?
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: Barney, I walked into the place, right, met the contact, I gave him the money, he gave me the stuff. I pull out my piece and say "Okay,freeze, hands in the air." And all of a sudden from behind me, I hear someone else say "Freeze, hands in the air"
- Det. Ron Harris: You got ripped-off ?
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: Yeah, by the FBI.
- Capt. Barney Miller, Det. Phil Fish: FBI ?
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: Yeah, the FBI, you know the guys with the ties.They had their own bust going. What am I...?... going... They kept... They confiscated the money as evidence... .Well
- Yemana: For crying out loud, I could have lost that money at the track myself. I didn't need your help.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Alright... Alright... .Take it easy... Take it easy. We'll all get our money back
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: yeah
- Capt. Barney Miller: In 5 or 6 months
- Yemana: wait till wojo hears about it, he's not going to be happy about pulling through
- Det. Ron Harris: You can give me a note for my tailor
- Alan Schuster: Look, if you, uh... if you don't get the money back, I know a way to take it off your taxes
- Capt. Barney Miller: Thanks Mr. Schuster, but no thanks
- Capt. Barney Miller: 12th precinct, Captain Miller... wait,wait... take it easy... I can't understand you... stop crying... Mr. Shuster is not dead... no, he's not... He just went over to testify before the commission... Now, will you stop getting hysteria
- Yemana: Is it his mother ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: It's Marty... Take a minute,will you please... relax...