Benny Hill credited as playing...
Self • Various
- Benny Hill: Some girls are like Africa, mysterious and hot./Other girls are like Paree, with all the charm it's got./But Maria, she is like Tibet with all its ice and snow there,/'cause everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
- Benny Hill: I twirled her 'round the dance floor. She said, "I hate the way you're doin' it."/I said, "Why?" She said "I've got a wooden leg and you're unscrewin' it."
- Benny Hill: So she stuffed herself with wedding cake and beer and fish and chips./I carried her across the threshold. I had to make two trips.
- Benny Hill: I saw her in her birthday suit, swimming by the weir./She said, "Please go away", but I pretended not to hear./She said, "If you don't go, I'll stay in here until it gets dark."/I said, "That's all right by me, I only came to feed the shark
- Benny Hill: We had a gypsy wedding, but the caterers were mobsters./They blew up all the prawns and shrimps and made them look like lobsters.
- Michael Caine: Roses are reddish, and violets are bluish./If it weren't for Christmas, we'd all be Jewish.
- Michael Caine: She said, "Look, love, don't you see? All this don't interest me. In fact, I find it positively boring."/"I been sittin' here listening so long, my little bottom's gone to sleep."/I says, "I know it has. I heard it snoring."
- Michael Caine: Do you know what they call a dog, who's got no legs? Well it don't matter, 'cause he won't come anyway.
- Gaston LeClerc: There was a man there and he had a musical bum.
- Henry McGee: He - he had...
- Gaston LeClerc: He had a musical bum. And he opened this music album and he sang.
- Gaston LeClerc: While I am there, I see a lot of pretty ladies sitting on the grass, and I can see their pink knickers.
- Henry McGee: See their...
- Gaston LeClerc: Pink knickers. I can see they have pink knickers, because they are having a pinknic,
- Henry McGee: Oh, picnic!
- Gaston LeClerc: Yes. There are a lot of soldiers and they live very close to the park in Knightsbridge. And they live in beautiful deluxe apartments.
- Henry McGee: Barracks.
- Gaston LeClerc: It's true!
- Gaston LeClerc: We was all waiting for the paper.
- Henry McGee: Oh, writing paper? A newspaper?
- Gaston LeClerc: Try toilet.
- Henry McGee: Toilet paper?
- Henry McGee: No. Bag.
- Henry McGee: You were waiting for the paper bag?
- Henry McGee: No, for the bagpaper!
- Gaston LeClerc: And there was a German.
- Henry McGee: He spoke English?
- Gaston LeClerc: He was English. He was a English German. He have the hammer and he...
- Henry McGee: Oh, chairman!
- Gaston LeClerc: Yes, and he was very angry, because, you see, there was a big dog. It was a great big poodle... that he made on the floor.
- Henry McGee: Tell me, Gaston, where are you from?
- Gaston LeClerc: I am coming from France, monsieur.
- Henry McGee: What part?
- Gaston LeClerc: All of me.
- Gaston LeClerc: The English are a funny lot. I learned that on this trip./They send a shipment by car, while a cargo goes by ship./Englishmen have sixteen wives. It is in the wedding verse./Four richer and four poorer and four better and four worse.