Buddy Ebsen credited as playing...
Jed Clampett
- Jed Clampett: I'd rather be caught 'twixt a pair of scrappin' bobcats than two women tryin' to run the same house.
- Jed Clampett: Now, now, I reckon you's both just as close related to me as folks can be, 'cause I love you both equal, and it'd pleasure me if you'd shake hands.
- Jethro Bodine: And come out fightin'!
- Jed Clampett: By doggies, I'll bet you Pearl in them swimmin' clothes has got the figure of a young girl.
- Daisy Moses: She's better give it back before she stretches it outta shape any more.
- Jed Clampett: Granny...
- Daisy Moses: I didn't say it in anger. I'm smilin'.
- Jed Clampett: Mornin', Granny. How's your rheumatiz?
- Daisy Moses: What rheumatiz?
- Jed Clampett: Pearl said you was havin' some twinges last night. That's how come she put a little mountain dew into your squirrel soup.
- Daisy Moses: Pearl spiked my soup?
- Jed Clampett: Yeah, she figgered it would, uh, he'p you to sleep. And you was likin' it too, Granny. You kept askin' for another slug of soup.
- Jed Clampett: Now, don't get riled up at Pearl. I reckon she's just tryin' to be helpful.
- Daisy Moses: She's about as helpful as a alligator in a swimmin' hole.
- Jed Clampett: Aw, Pearl, she's always braggin' on ya--how pretty ya are or what a nice figure you got.
- Daisy Moses: I bragged on Pearl's figure?
- Jed Clampett: You sure did. You said "Pearl got the kind of figure a man likes."
- Daisy Moses: Yep, and then I said, "Too bad a man didn't git it instead of Pearl."
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: I wouldn't talk if I had a figure as bony as you!