Buddy Ebsen credited as playing...
Jed Clampett
- Jed Clampett: Naw, Mr. Drysdale, she shot at yer hat. If that little old woman ever goes to throwin' lead at you, you be castin' a polka-dot shada.
- Milburn Drysdale: Sonny?
- Jane Hathaway: Jilted Ellie May?
- Jed Clampett: Well, that's what we call it. He sparked her for two weeks runnin', took her drivin', dancin', held her hand, kept her out past dark. Back where we come from, that's just the same as sayin' "Will ya?," provided the girl is twelve or better.
- Jed Clampett: I keep atellin' you and atellin' you, I got $25 million dollars in Mr. Drysdale's bank.
- First Psychiatrist: No, you didn't. They caught you before you got a penny.
- Jed Clampett: [examining Milburn's severed phone lines] Yep, been cut with a rifle bullet. Kind of ragged though. Jethro must have been upset.
- Milburn Drysdale: That's bad shooting to cut those little wires with a rifle?
- Jed Clampett: Why, when that boy puts his mind to it, he can pick a gnat off a plate o' grits at five hundred feet in a heavy fog.
- Jed Clampett: What's skeet?
- Milburn Drysdale: Well, they're clay pigeons. That's what *I* shoot.
- Jed Clampett: Clay pigeons?
- Milburn Drysdale: Oh, it's wonderful. I love it.
- Jed Clampett: Your wife must be a first-rate cook.