Tim McInnerny credited as playing...
Captain Kevin Darling
- [after his interrogation]
- Captain Darling: You'll regret this Blackadder. You'd better find the real spy or I'll make it very hard for you.
- Captain Blackadder: Please, Darling. There are ladies present.
- Captain Blackadder: [sees Darling in the hospital] Darling, what are you doing here?
- Captain Darling: Bullet in the foot.
- Captain Blackadder: I can understand people at the front lines shooting themselves but you're 30 miles behind the trenches.
- Captain Darling: I didn't do it, the general did it.
- Captain Blackadder: Got tired of you already has he?
- Captain Darling: He wasn't aiming at my foot.
- Captain Blackadder: Oh so he was going for your head.
- Captain Darling: He wasn't aiming at anything.
- Captain Blackadder: So he was aiming for between your legs.
- [Blackadder is interrogating Captain Darling who is suspected of being a German spy]
- Captain Darling: I'm as British as Queen Victoria!
- Captain Blackadder: So your father's German, you're half German, and you married a German!
- Captain Blackadder: So in the name of security, sir, everyone who enters the room has to have his bottom fondled by this drooling pervert?
- Captain Darling: I'm only doing my job, Blackadder.
- Captain Blackadder: Well, how lucky you are then that your job is also your hobby.
- Captain Blackadder: Can anyone tell me what's going on?
- Captain Darling: Security, Blackadder.
- Captain Blackadder: Security?
- General Melchett: Security isn't a dirty word, Blackadder. Crevice is a dirty word, but security isn't.
- Captain Darling: So you see, Blackadder, Field Marshall Haig is most anxious to eliminate all these German spies.
- General Melchett: Filthy hun weasels, fighting their dirty underhand war!
- Captain Darling: And fortunately, one of our spies...
- General Melchett: Splendid fellows, brave heroes risking life and limb for Blighty!