Florence Henderson credited as playing...
Carol Brady
- Alice Nelson: Well, this whole thing kind of depresses me, Mrs. Brady. I got my routine all worked out here. I don't know if I'll be able to function some place else.
- Carol Brady: But, Alice you will function, won't you? I mean, just because we're moving, you're not going to leave.
- Alice Nelson: Me? Leave the Brady family? You couldn't get rid of me if you tried. I'm a hundred-and-twenty-pound boomerang.
- Carol Brady: A hundred and TWENTY pounds?
- Alice Nelson: Mmmm, more or less.
- Alice Nelson: Uh oh.
- Mike Brady, Carol Brady: Now what?
- Alice Nelson: The light in the oven is blinking something in Morse code: I'll bet the word is trouble.
- Mike Brady: I'll bet the word's defective switch. I'll check it out later.
- Alice Nelson: Why not sooner? There's something about an oven winking at me that gives me the creeps.
- Carol Brady: [both hear an unearthly moaning] WHAT was that?
- Alice Nelson: It sounded like a cow died in the driveway.
- [the moan sounds again]
- Alice Nelson: Oh no, now it sounds human, like somebody in agony.
- Carol Brady: Alice, that DOESN'T sound human.
- Alice Nelson: Oh no... inhuman?
- Carol Brady: Mike, there has to be an explanation for all these strange sounds.
- Mike Brady: I haven't heard any strange sounds.
- Carol Brady: Yeah that's right, you got in after they stopped.
- Alice Nelson: Well there is an explanation alright, the ghosts in the McIntyre house got tired of living alone and moved in where there's more action.
- Mike Brady: Oh Alice, even if you're joking, that's absurd.
- Alice Nelson: Well if I'm not joking, it's not absurd. You should've heard those kids this morning before they left for school, they were as scared as I was.
- Carol Brady: Well Alice, the kids do need more bedrooms, and you know we need another bathroom.
- Alice Nelson: Well the old McIntyre house up on the hill has lots of rooms. It's old but it can be fixed up, it's been for sale for years.
- Carol Brady: I wonder why they haven't been able to sell that house?
- Alice Nelson: The same reason the McIntyres moved out, it's haunted.
- Carol Brady: Haunted? Oh Alice.
- Alice Nelson: I knew the cook, said a lot of weird things were going on up there: voices in the night, chains rattling, lights going on and off.
- Carol Brady: Now Alice, you don't believe that.
- Alice Nelson: The cook did, left the McIntyres flat.
- Carol Brady: And you know as well as I do there's no such things as ghosts.
- Alice Nelson: Maybe not, but they were never able to explain those voices.
- Cindy Brady: That terrible noise woke us up!
- Bobby Brady: What do you suppose it was?
- Alice Nelson: [a loud creaking sounds] Or is?
- Carol Brady: Well sometimes a loose board will make a house creak.
- Cindy Brady: You sound just like Daddy.
- Carol Brady: Is that McIntyre banshee on the loose again?
- Peter Brady: There's something out here, Mom.
- Alice Nelson: 3 very definite crashes.
- Greg Brady: I'll say there were.
- Marcia Brady: Greg was helping me with that flat tire on my bike when we heard them.
- Carol Brady: Maybe Tiger's wrestling with those garbage cans again.
- Greg Brady: Oh it can't be, Tiger's sleeping in the house tonight.
- Carol Brady: In the house? Why?
- Marcia Brady: He was getting spooked by all those funny noises.
- Alice Nelson: Just like everyone else around here.
- Peter Brady: After all, he's only human
- [another crash sounds]
- Peter Brady, Alice Nelson: Four!
- Carol Brady: I think we better take another look around.
- Alice Nelson: All of us?
- Carol Brady: There's safety in numbers, Alice, come on.
- Cindy Brady, Bobby Brady: [all hear a loud slamming noise] What was that?
- Carol Brady: [taken aback] Ub, hey, wa, it's probably the wind, uh, banging against the shutters.
- Alice Nelson: That would be a good guess, Mrs. Brady, if there *was* a wind, and we had shutters.