Alyson Hannigan credited as playing...
Willow Rosenberg
- Willow Rosenberg: Buffy, that is my best friend, you need to think about not Parker. He's no good. There are men, *better* men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.
- Xander Harris: Pfft.
- [loudly]
- Xander Harris: Nothing can defeat the penis!
- [Willow and Buffy stare at him]
- Xander Harris: Too loud. Very unseemly.
- Xander Harris: I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face.
- Willow Rosenberg: Aren't you too young to be a bartender?
- Xander Harris: Au contraire, mon frère.
- Buffy Summers: Mon frère means brother.
- Xander Harris: Mon girl-frère. Behold.
- [holds up a fake ID]
- Willow Rosenberg: I don't believe this is entirely on the up-and-up.
- Xander Harris: What gives it away?
- Willow Rosenberg: Looking at it.
- Xander Harris: Well, no one's gonna see it, anyway. Now *I'm* the bartender. I kick people out.
- [Xander is practicing to be a bartender by listening to Buffy's problems]
- Xander Harris: Ooh, then unload 'em right here, baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it?
- [pause]
- Xander Harris: Shutting up now.
- Willow Rosenberg: I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend who's he's left me with no place to live, no food except for this bottle of Wild Turkey which I drank all up.
- [Xander looks confused]
- Willow Rosenberg: That was me being tanked and friendless for ya.
- Xander Harris: Gets my Oscar nod.
- Oz: Hey, you got a table.
- Willow Rosenberg: I had to kill a man.
- Oz: Well, it's a *really* good table.
- Parker Abrams: Willow... Can I tell you something kind of private?
- Willow Rosenberg: Okay. I mean, I feel you've shown me a perspective I hadn't really thought much about before. What is it you wanted to tell me?
- Parker Abrams: Just... I've enjoyed talking with you. Here, tonight.
- Willow Rosenberg: Me too... I mean, with you. You know, I'm-I'm wondering something. About you.
- Parker Abrams: What?
- Willow Rosenberg: Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean, with your gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly only to me. You're unbelievable!
- Buffy Summers: I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of... badness.
- Willow Rosenberg: You didn't. Not with Parker again.
- Buffy Summers: No. With four really smart guys.
- Willow Rosenberg: Four? Oh... Ow. Oh, Buffy, uh, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?
- Buffy Summers: I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came... beer.
- Willow Rosenberg: Then group sex?
- Buffy Summers: Pfft... gutter-face. No! Just lots and lots of beer.