Sarah Michelle Gellar credited as playing...
Buffy Summers
- Buffy Summers: When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take you to turn to dust, I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff.
- Willow Rosenberg: He said he wasn't coming back until he'd driven to all fifty states.
- Buffy Summers: Did you explain about Hawaii?
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, he seemed so determined.
- Eddie: Of Human Bondage. Have you ever read it?
- Buffy Summers: Oh, I'm not really into porn. I mean, I'm just- I'm tryin' to cut way back.
- Rupert Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
- Buffy Summers: No! Because you're very, very old and it's gross.
- Conservative Woman: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
- Buffy Summers: Uh, you know I meant to, and-and then I just got really busy.
- Sunday: Oh, I'm-I'm Sunday. I'll be killing you here in a minute or so.
- Buffy Summers: You know, that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it.
- Rookie: Uh, are we gonna fight, or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?
- Buffy Summers: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be "nowned" first?
- Willow Rosenberg: Yes, first there's the painful "nowning" process.
- Sunday: What about breaking your arm? How does that feel, huh?
- Buffy Summers: Let me answer that question with a head-butt.
- Buffy Summers: You got a nice setup here. But you made one mistake.
- Sunday: What was that?
- Buffy Summers: Well, I'm not actually positive, but statistically speaking people usually make at least Well, I'm not actually positive, but statistically speaking people usually make at least...
- [Sunday punches her]
- Xander Harris: Let me tell you something. When it is dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever... I always think... "What would Buffy do?" You're my hero... Okay, sometimes when it's dark and I'm all alone I'd think, "What is Buffy wearing?"
- Buffy Summers: Can that be one of those things you never, ever tell me about?
- Xander Harris: You up for a little reconnaissance?
- Buffy Summers: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?
- Xander Harris: No, that was the Renaissance.
- Buffy Summers: Oh. I've had a really long week.
- Buffy Summers: It's too bad Giles couldn't be librarian here. Be convenient.
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, he says he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure.
- Buffy Summers: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just British for unemployed?
- Willow Rosenberg: Uh-huh. He's a slacker now.
- Eddie: Did you , uh, lose your way?
- Buffy Summers: Me? Oh, no, no, no. I'm just going to Fischer Hall which I know is on the Earth planet... Recently voted "Most pathetic," uh-huh.
- Eddie: Mmm, well, I'm lost, and I have a map, so...
- Buffy Summers: Oh! I come in second.
- [last lines]
- Xander Harris: So, college not so scary after all, huh?
- Buffy Summers: It's turning out to be a lot like high school which I can handle. At least I know what to expect.
- Sunday: Guys, this is totally... mine.
- Rookie: Okay, but you gotta share the eatin', 'cause I'm thinkin' Slayer's blood's gotta be whoa, like Thai Stick.
- Buffy Summers: I thought people were supposed to get smarter in college.
- Willow Rosenberg: Ooh, boyfriend! It's my on-campus boyfriend.
- Buffy Summers: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line's probably really long now, too.
- Buffy Summers: I don't really have a security blanket... unless, of course, you count Mr. Pointy.
- Eddie: Mr. Pointy?
- Buffy Summers: [quickly changing subject] Oh, bike path.
- [first lines]
- Buffy Summers: [sighs] Anything?
- Willow Rosenberg: Ah!
- [reading]
- Willow Rosenberg: "Introduction to the Modern Novel. A survey study of 20th century novelists." Open to freshmen. You might like that.
- Buffy Summers: [skeptical] Introduction to the Modern Novel...? I'm guessing I'd probably have to read the modern novel.
- Willow Rosenberg: Maybe more than one.
- [nods]
- Buffy Summers: I like books... I just don't want to take on too much...
- [pouts]
- Buffy Summers: Do they have an Introduction to the Modern Blurb?
- Willow Rosenberg: Oh! "Short Story."
- Buffy Summers: Well, that's good!
- Willow Rosenberg: Not really. It conflicts with Psych.
- Buffy Summers: Really? I shouldn't take Psych.
- Willow Rosenberg: You gotta! It's fun, an-and you can use it as your Science requirement. Anyway, Professor Welch is great! She's like world-renowned.
- Buffy Summers: How do you get to be "renowned"? Is it like you have to be "nowned" first?
- Willow Rosenberg: Yes. First there is the painful "nowning" process. Wait! Images of Pop Culture! This is good! They - they watch movies and TV shows... even commercials!
- Buffy Summers: For credit?
- Willow Rosenberg: [chuckles] Isn't college cool?
- Prof. Riegert: Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Get out.
- Buffy Summers: I didn't mean to... suck.