Ted Danson credited as playing...
Sam Malone
- Cliff Clavin: [in comparison to a Jewish bris] The original rites of passage started with the jungle tribes down there in Borneo.
- Norm Peterson: Yeah?
- Cliff Clavin: When the young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell...
- Sam Malone: Oh, no, no, no don't tell me...
- Cliff Clavin: ...they would fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres...
- Sam Malone: Oh.
- Cliff Clavin: ...then they'd take these two big jagged rocks in there...
- Norm Peterson: Cliffy, Cliff, Cliff...
- Cliff Clavin: ...and bang them together to call in the tribes out of the hills, you know. Then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff...
- Sam Malone: Oh, here it comes.
- Cliff Clavin: ...and shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it, pretty much, until they dropped, really.
- Sam Malone: Oh, wait... When do they circumcize the kid?
- Cliff Clavin: What do you mean circumsize? There are no Jews in Borneo, you moolyak.
- Sam Malone: [after the bris, walking out of the pool room with a crying Frederick in his arms] It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be fine.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [following Sam, with a crying Lilith in his arms] It's okay, baby. Everything is going to be fine. Say, you know, what do you say next time, we have a girl?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: [whimpering] Mm-hm.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Walking into Cheers with Frederick when he is supposed to be having his bris] The bris is off, I've kidnapped my son.
- Sam Malone: You kidnapped him? What about the bris?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Sam, I just couldn't go through with it. I mean, I tried to, for tradition and Lilith and all that. But, my God, I'm the boy's father. And that guy was about to give my son one hell of a boo-boo!
- Sam Malone: You got a name for him yet?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Frederick.
- Sam Malone: Hey, all right! Fred, Freddie, the Frederman!
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Frederick.
- Rebecca Howe: Corporate wants me to throw some idiotic stupid retirement party for some insignificant middle management nobody.
- Sam Malone: You're retiring? Congratulations!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Talking about Frederick's impending bris, to which everyone has been invited] You know, the ceremony promises to be quite enlightening, too. After all, it's not every day you're ritually circumcised.
- Sam Malone: [Alarmed] What?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Well, that's what a bris is.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes. It's the religious ceremony where the baby is circumcised.
- Sam Malone: [Much relieved] Oh, the baby!
- [Lilith arrives at the bar with the whole bris party in tow]
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Frasier? Frasier?
- Sam Malone: Where is he?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: Where's my husband? Where's my baby?
- Norm Peterson: Where's my beer?
- Rebecca Howe: They're in the office.
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: [Heads toward the office] Dr. Levinson, friends, please just have a seat. I'll just be a minute while I reason with him. Wife to husband. Scientist to scientist.
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: [Flings open the office door] Frasier, have you gone completely meshuggenah?
- [the bris is over]
- Sam Malone: [Walks out of the pool room cradling a whimpering baby Frederick] It's OK, baby. Everything will be fine.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Walks out of the pool room carrying a whimpering Lilith] It's Ok, baby. Everything will be fine. Say, you know, what do you say next time we have a girl?
- Dr. Lilith Sternin: [Whimpers; nods her assent]