Ted Danson credited as playing...
Sam Malone
- Sam Malone: Oh, Carla, boy I hate to criticize, but I can't actually believe you read these sleazy scandal sheets?! I mean, look at this. I'm even above this. "Bigfoot Stole My Wife". "Have Aliens Taken Over Your Pet?" I mean, this is garbage.
- Carla Tortelli: For your information Sam, I don't read those articles. I think they're just as stupid as you do. I get it because they happen to have a great crossword puzzle.
- Carla Tortelli: [sits and starts working the the puzzle] OK, let's see. 7-across, "Five-headed cow born in Vermont".
- [pauses]
- Carla Tortelli: Maybelle.
- [starts writing]
- Carla Tortelli: 16-across, "State with the most UFO babies". Arkansas.
- [writes]
- Sam Malone: [mutters incredulously] I don't believe this.
- Carla Tortelli: 32-across, "Aphrodisiac found in every kitchen cabinet".
- [Sam secretly starts showing some interest, but still feigns disinterest]
- Carla Tortelli: Uh, I don't know what that one is. Let me see what 14-down is. "Where Franco's brain is being kept alive". Fishtank. OK, so, the fifth letter of the aphrodisiac is an A. Now I remember: oregano.
- Sam Malone: [Sam secretly grabs a napkin and pen, and starts scribbling "oregano"] Trash.
- Sam Malone: Hey, Diane. Surprise
- [holds up a brown paper bag]
- Sam Malone: Found something else of yours lying around my place.
- [pulls out a garrish looking red and black teddy from the bag and holds it up to Diane]
- Sam Malone: Remember this?
- Diane Chambers: Good Lord. Is that for wearing or for signalling aircraft?!
- Sam Malone: Well, this is your teddy isn't it?
- Diane Chambers: I don't know which of your mindless bimbi left that in your apartment. If she paid money for it, she should be seen to and chemically altered.
- Sam Malone: Hey, what, what, you don't like the color?
- Diane Chambers: What made you think that was mine?
- Sam Malone: Well, you're the only person I know that shops at those fancy French places.
- [shows Diane the teddy's label]
- Diane Chambers: "The House of Ooh-La-La". Get it away from me. It's horrendous.
- Carla Tortelli: [walks in and sees the teddy. picks it up. gushes.] Wow! This is lovely.
- Sam Malone: Do you want it?
- Carla Tortelli: Me? Oh, I can't take this Sam.
- Sam Malone: Oh, no, please.
- Carla Tortelli: God, Thanks.
- [gushes]
- Carla Tortelli: Ah. From "The House of Ooh-La-La".