Shelley Long credited as playing...
Diane Chambers
- Diane Chambers: Frasier, listen to me. Sam needs my help in the bar. If you feel any spark of jealousy, please let me assure you I could work side by side with this man for the rest of my life and feel nothing.
- Sam Malone: Work? Hell, I could live in the same house with her and never be tempted.
- Diane Chambers: I could sleep in the same bed, and get nothing but a good night's rest.
- Sam Malone: I could get out of jail after twelve years, serve on a ship with an all male crew for another four, be dropped off on a desert island for another three eating nothing but raw oysters, and if Diane were to walk out of the surf naked one day, all I'd want from her are the hockey scores.
- Diane Chambers: [to Sam] And you wouldn't even get that.
- Frasier Crane: I'm afraid that's not good enough.
- Diane Chambers: There is one other thing that you should know. It's quite important really. There's another man in my life and he's someone you know.
- Sam Malone: Really. Who?
- Diane Chambers: Frasier and I have been lovers for several weeks.
- Sam Malone: Eww.
- Frasier Crane: [enters the bar] Diane, what are you doing here? I've been looking all over for you.
- Diane Chambers: Oh, Frasier, I'm so glad you're here.
- [lovingly gives him a quick kiss on the lips]
- Everyone in the Bar: Eww.