Jackie Swanson: Kelly Gaines

Rich Man, Wood Man

Kelly Gaines

[Kelly has just taken her first subway ride. Woody, on the other hand, just got mugged on the subway]
Kelly Gaines: Woody, I wanted to show you that I can live without all my money.
Woody Boyd: Well, I don't want you to live without your money. I think it's wrong for someone to have to give up their money. It kind of came to me as I was handing over my wallet.

Kelly Gaines: [Woody has locked himself in the main office of Cheers] Woody, aren't you ever coming out of there? You're starting to scare me.
[Woody opens the door]
Woody Boyd: I'm sorry Kelly, I'm not trying to scare you but it's just, your money is turning me into a monster. All my old friends hate me now.
[Woody closes the door]
Kelly Gaines: But everything was going so well, what happened?
[Woody opens the door]
Woody Boyd: I just looked into a mirror and I didn't like what I saw.
[Woody closes the door]
Kelly Gaines: Whatever's wrong, we can work it out.
[Woody opens the door]
Woody Boyd: It's a little more complicated than that, Kelly.
[Woody closes the door]
Sam Malone: [remarking to himself and Norm nearby] It's like having a fight with Senor Wences.
Woody Boyd: [Woody opens the door] Come on in, Kelly.
Kelly Gaines: Thank you.
Norm Peterson: [after Kelly has gone into the office with Woody, and the door closes behind them] You know Sammy, you could nail that door shut right now. I didn't see a thing.

Norm Peterson: Kelly, I don't think Woody can even afford taxis. You'll have to take the subway.
Kelly Gaines: The what?
Norm Peterson: The 'T,' you know, the subway.
Kelly Gaines: Come again?
Norm Peterson: The subway, th-the little trains that run underground? Carry people back and forth?
Kelly Gaines: [thinking he's joking] Right, an underground train. You're such a joker, Mr Peterson!
Norm Peterson: Kelly, they exist, an-and most people take them to work everyday!
Kelly Gaines: [still not convinced] Sure they do, Mr Peterson. Alright, I'll take your little underground train tomorrow morning.
[snickers as she leaves the bar]
Kelly Gaines: Underground trains: whoo-whoo!

Kelly Gaines: Hi everybody! Where's Woody?
Rebecca Howe: Well he's out looking for you. What happened, Kelly? Did you get lost?
Kelly Gaines: No, I was having such a great time I didn't want it to end! I love the subway!
Rebecca Howe: Wait a minute. You like the subway?
Kelly Gaines: Not at first. I got real angry because a lot of other people tried to get on 'my subway car.' And then I met some young people who apparently work for the city, because they were spray painting the walls, and they let me write 'Kelly loves Woody' in a big red heart! And then 'the pigs' came and we ran.

Kelly Gaines: [referring to a taxidermy in Sam's office] Wow, what a big moose head!
Woody Boyd: Kelly, I don't think this is the time for name calling.