Shelley Long credited as playing...
Diane Chambers
- Sam Malone: You know, I've been thinking...
- Diane Chambers: Have you?! The oddsmakers take a beating again.
- Sam Malone: What seems to be the problem here, folks?
- Frasier Crane: Well, Sam, my colleague has dropped a crumb during dinner, and in the intervening hours it has been encrusted on his tie.
- Cliff Clavin: Oh what, you can take Norm's tie here, put it in a kettle and make soup. Incidently, it's a little known fact that the tie was invented in ancient times to be used as a bib, you know, to wipe your chin.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: You mean they're thinking of changing that?
- Sam Malone: Why don't you just tell the guy that he's got a spot?
- Frasier Crane: [mockingly] Gee, that's an idea. Why didn't we just come to Sam in the first place? Sam, you just don't say, "there's a spot on your tie" to a man the stature of Dr. Bennett Ludlow.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: THE Bennett Ludlow?
- Diane Chambers: You've heard of him, Coach?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: No.
- Frasier Crane: Coach, he's only one of the true giants of psychiatry: author, innovator, educator and I'm not ashamed to say my idol and inspiration.
- Norm Peterson: All right, you lean over, you pretend you're admiring his tie tack, and then just nibble the morsel off really quick. Who's the wiser?!
- Diane Chambers: Sam is right. We have to tell him.
- Frasier Crane: Of course you're right. Oh Sam, may we have three brandies please. And I guess I'm the one who should tell him. After all, I'm the one who suggested beef wellington.
- Norm Peterson: Beef wellington, you say?!
- [makes a motion toward Bennett Ludlow]
- Norm Peterson: Where's that tie?!
- Frasier Crane: Just have to find a way to tell him as subtle and tactful a way that will allow him to preserve his dignity.
- [meanwhile Carla approaches Bennett Ludlow's table]
- Carla Tortelli: Hey, Pigpen. What's that thing?
- [points at the crumb on his tie]
- Carla Tortelli: What are you trying, to catch pidgeons? Ew.
- [picks the crumb off his tie]
- Dr. Bennett Ludlow: Thank you very much.
- Carla Tortelli: Ah, don't mention it. I like a man who wears his dinner with pride.
- Diane Chambers: [Sam suspects Carla is dating Frasier's mentor] Frasier is in a very fragile state of mind. Your asinine theories, while suitable fodder for inane bar conversation, do nothing to ease his fit of pique.
- Sam Malone: Wait a minute here. The one word I understood in that, I don't exactly care for. My theory is not asinine.
- [as Diane talks, Ludlow enters the bar, and embraces Carla]
- Diane Chambers: You're right. It's a lot worse. Think of the two of them together. Bennett Ludlow and Carla? It's harebrained! Just imagine it.
- [Diane turns around and sees the embrace, then turns back to Sam]
- Diane Chambers: Well, you don't have to imagine it. There it is. Have you ever...
- [Diane does a double take]
- Diane Chambers: AHHHH!
- Sam Malone: No, I guess I haven't.
- Frasier Crane: Diane, what's...
- [Frasier turns and sees Carla and Ludlow]
- Frasier Crane: AHHHH!