Frankie Muniz credited as playing...
Malcolm
- Malcolm: [Malcolm shows the brothers evidence that they've been humiliated on the Internet] The Schwabs sent out a mass eMail to everyone at school. They Photoshopped our heads onto a dirty movie.
- Dewey: Gross!
- Reese: That can't be a dirty movie. There aren't any girls in it.
- Reese: [pause for recognition] Oh my God!
- Malcolm: I'm not homophobic. If the three of us were gay lovers, I'd be fine with this. But it's not true!
- Reese: [passionately] This is so humiliating. My abs are way more ripped than that guy's.
- Dewey: [quietly, through clenched teeth] We've got to respond.
- Hal: [Hal is obsessed with his sons' safety after he learns that his family's lapsed health insurance cannot be re-activated until after the weekend] What does it take to keep you boys safe?... What's the matter with you boys. Don't you realize you could get killed?
- Reese: Dad, I'm not gonna die.
- Hal: What?
- Reese: I'm seventeen.
- Hal: And so you can't die?
- Reese: I just don't see it happening.
- Hal: I got news for you, Reese. Seventeen-year-olds die all the time.
- Reese: [scoffing] Come on, Dad. That's just somethin' they tell you to so you stay off drugs.
- Hal: That's it! You're all grounded, in your room, for the rest of the weekend.
- Malcolm: You can't do that.
- Dewey: I know I'm gonna die, Dad.
- Hal: Nobody is dying in this family until the start of business Monday morning.
- Dewey: [Hal locks the boys in their room] Dad, why are you doing this?
- Reese: We're gonna call child welfare, and this time they'll come.
- Malcolm: [in the "cold open" for the show, Reese is seen eating globs of ice cream] Eat faster.
- Dewey: Don't chew it, just swallow it.
- Reese: [pauses to think] Nothing.
- Malcolm: [turns to the camera and explains] Granted, this isn't scientific, but the fact that Reese can't get 'brain freeze' has to prove something.
- Reese: Wait... I'm feeling something in my toes.