Billy Gardell credited as playing...
Ian Agnew
- Ian Agnew: Thank you for seeing us.
- Ian Agnew: Oh, I don't mind. I don't get many visitors. So what can I do for you?
- Adrian Monk: Mr. Agnew, we were wondering about your accident.
- Ian Agnew: Please, sit down.
- [appears to have a rather sudden reaction, like he is thinking]
- Sharona Fleming: [concerned] Ian, I used to be a nurse. Is there anything I can do?
- Ian Agnew: No, thank you. Comes and goes. It's the pipe.
- [points to it]
- Ian Agnew: I have a piece of pipe in my head.
- [pauses]
- Ian Agnew: I don't get many visitors! Please sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!...
- Adrian Monk: Sir, about your accident.
- Ian Agnew: Ah, the accident. I really don't remember much about it. We were building a cabana near the pool for the Babcocks. And I was working on the roof and there was a tile loose. And the next thing I knew, I woke up and I was a human smokestack.
- [laughs]
- Ian Agnew: I'll get it!
- [picks up the phone]
- Ian Agnew: Hello! Hello! Must be the wrong number.
- [to Monk and Sharona]
- Ian Agnew: How's that coffee?
- [then to the floor]
- Ian Agnew: BAD DOG!
- [then back to Monk and Sharona]
- Ian Agnew: I haven't worked since.
- Adrian Monk: Huh. How did you get the job?
- Ian Agnew: Mrs. Babcock hired me. Although by the time I had started, she wasn't there anymore. They split up, she ran off, I never got the full story. I dealt mostly with her husband, Stew. I'll get it.
- [He picks up the phone again, about to talk to an imaginary caller]
- Ian Agnew: You know, I just changed my phone number, and it doesn't seem to help. I don't get many visitors!
- Sharona Fleming: Did you go to the trial?
- Ian Agnew: I testified.
- Sharona Fleming: Did you spend any time with the jury?
- Ian Agnew: No, ma'am. I wish I had. I wanted to thank them, they were very generous. I don't get many visitors!
- [singing]
- Ian Agnew: "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do!"
- [then to a spot on the floor]
- Ian Agnew: BAD DOG!
- [then back to Monk and Sharona]
- Ian Agnew: You know what I think I miss the most?
- [points to the pipe]
- Ian Agnew: Not having this pipe in my head. I have to take this.
- [picks up the phone again]
- Ian Agnew: Hello. Hello.
- Sharona Fleming: [to Monk] I believe you're not the craziest man in the world.
- Ian Agnew: [talking to the imaginary caller] How did you get this number?
- Adrian Monk: We'll let ourselves out.
- Ian Agnew: Tell me who this is RIGHT NOW!
- [Monk and Sharona walk out]
- Ian Agnew: Well I don't believe that for a minute!