Ted Levine credited as playing...
Stottlemeyer
- Lt. Randall Disher: [makes a model of a spaceship] Here's the ship. And let's pretend this globe represents the Earth.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It's a globe. It *does* represent the Earth.
- Lt. Randall Disher: [after demonstrating his very unbelievable escape pod theory] It's just a theory.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: No, I don't think so. I've heard theories before, and, uh, they don't sound like that.
- Natalie Teeger: You can't just take mail from somebody's porch.
- Darrell Cain: Yeah, you can if it's fruit. The law doesn't apply to fruit because it's perishable.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Actually, sir, the law does apply to fruit.
- [turns to Disher, who is eating a nectarine from the box]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Are you eating one?
- Lt. Randall Disher: Nope. I was just putting that back.
- [throws the nectarine back into the Fruit of the Month box]
- Lt. Randall Disher: [to Steve Wagner] Congratulations on your flight. And congratulations on the crash landing four years ago. And on marrying a figure skater.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Congratulations on your whole life.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Okay, maybe you found a motive. Maybe. But it doesn't matter, and I'll tell you why. Because your suspect, Monk, was in outer space. He wasn't on this planet.
- Adrian Monk: [to Natalie] Why don't you ask the Captain?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Whatever it is, thank you for asking, but I can't do it.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Good work, sir!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You don't have to sound so surprised, Randy.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, I'm not surprised. Awestruck.
- [pause]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Awestruck.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Don't be, and that's an order.
- Lt. Randall Disher: You're ordering me not to be awestruck?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: That's right. Stand over there and don't be awestruck.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Now maybe we should take a minute and see if we can think of a better alibi.